Saturday, December 30, 2006

5 things others may not know about me....

OK - Julie, I'll play.

1. I have cool ancestors. Really. On my father's side of the family I am descended from Stephen Hopkins who came over on the Mayflower. His son Oceanus was born on the Mayflower. Cool, huh? Then, there's my moms side. Here I am descended from Chief Powhatan, father of Pocahontas. So she is like some hugely great great great aunt. Yep, my family not only arrived here, there were already here.

2. When my first child was born I almost died. Really. I had appendicitis and they didn't know it. Well, they didn't listen to me. At all. Doctor's know best. I was just a whiny new mom. At any rate, it ruptured, I got peritonitis, and my body started going into shock before they decided to listen and do emergency surgery. I spent a month in the hospital. Good times......

3. I am an introvert. Just can't get out of that rut, hard as I try. I'm just not made to be an extrovert. INFP on Meyers-Briggs. It kind of hinders me in ministry opportunities, but I am trying to push myself out of my box a bit.....we'll see what 2007 brings.

4. I have been in 47 of the 48 continental United States. The only one I am missing is Vermont. Don't ask. But seeing as my daughter just was accepted at Gordon College in Massachusetts I think I will have plenty of opportunities now!

5. Three places I really wanna go - in order -

6. Wait, I thought of a 6th one. I married the brother of my college roommate's husband. Weird, huh? Our kids are kinda, sorta, like double cousins, but not really. And my niece just had a baby on the 28th...:)
OK - that's all.

Now, who can I tag who hasn't been tagged?

A, Darla, Jen, April, Matt

I thought I would feel relief......

I feel surprisingly sad this morning over the Saddam Hussein execution. He was a heinous man, pure evil, and I suppose had he merely been incarcerated he may have continued to control things in some manner. However, this man has no chance to repent. Ever. Who are we to take that opportunity away from him? Isn't that God's privilege? I don't know. The whole thing is way more complex than I want to think about this morning. I just know that I am sad. And evil as he was, I feel his pain, and fear, and how he must have felt the instant he realized there was no way out. This was his last day on earth, his last conversation with a loved one, his last meal. His last look at the world around him. How very, very sad. Is the world a better place today? Safer? Or just avenged?

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Tis the season to.....Relax!

Christmas at our house was different this year. First, we didn't travel to Florida, or Ohio. Which was wonderful and relaxing. Not that we don't love our families, but it was good to just stay home. It's been pretty low key around here, and lazy. On Christmas Eve we went to Via Christus for church and it was great to get together with our church family and have a candle light service. Christmas day we didn't even get up until 10. Then Chris woke us up - he was ready to open gifts. LOL. I guess they never get too old. Usually we have the gifts under the tree in the living room, but with Cairo that is an impossibility. The entire bottom of our tree is bare thanks to that Aussie's predilection for eating ornaments. He not only chewed all he could reach from the floor, he climbed onto the chairs on either side and feasted there also. Instead of getting too mad I have decided that means I can finally, after 20 years, get new ornaments for my tree next year. :)
Anyway, since the gifts weren't under the tree anyway, we decided to open gifts in the family room which has more seating and is just more comfortable. A good time was had by all. Lots of games, DVD's, books and music. My family rocks. They got me a TiVo. So......all you friends are now put on notice. DO NOT rely on me to tape your favorite shows - I'll be TiVo-ing from now on. :)
After gifts we ate a late snacky lunch - you know, cheese, crackers, sausage, hummus, pitas, salmon spread, spinach dip - yum, yum! Chex mix, chips, olives, pickles. Mmmmmm. After that we watched White Christmas, tho I don't think my kids quite get the charm of old movies. Blankies, jammies, family and old movies.......what could be better? Chris did have to go to work for a while, but when he came home we had Key Lime Pie and played Carcassonne.
Um, Kelsey won. We just played the basic game, but Chris has several expansion sets, so when we get good, it will be awesome.
Today we watched Joan of Arcadia (Kelsey's), read, Carissa messed around on her new sewing machine, and tonight hopefully we will be able to watch Carissa's gift to each of us - a DVD of family clips from the last 23 years complete with music and captions.
Doesn't sound like much, but to us, it was just a perfect, relaxing time. Just what we all needed. Now we are looking forward to our Via Christus New Years Eve service and overnight party!

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Pray for Rebecca

Tomorrow (Friday) morning at 7:30, my friend, Rebecca, is having major surgery on her spinal column. The surgery, depending on what they find could be 5 hours or longer. She will be in ICU for a few days - some Christmas gift. How do you wish someone a Merry Christmas with that hanging over their head? I did the best I could. Anyway, recovery is 7 - 10 days in the hospital, and about 6 weeks at home. Please, if you think of it, pray for her. And her parents. This is a scary time in her/their life.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

I Will Sing a New Song

I found the book Woo Hoo! I ordered it last night....
Here's another example of a meditation in the book, and one that really, really resonates with me:

I Will Sing a New Song

The old song of my spirit has wearied itself out.
It has long ago been learned by heart;
It repeats itself over and over,
Bringing no added joy to my days or lift to my spirit.

I will sing a new song.
I must learn the new song for the new needs.
I must fashion new words born of all the new growth
of my life - of my mind - of my spirit.
I must prepare for new melodies that have never been mine before,
That all that is within me may lift my voice unto God.
Therefore, I shall rejoice with each new day
And delight my spirit in each fresh unfolding.
I will sing, this day, a new song unto the Lord.

Howard Thurman gets it....

Last night I heard a song at my daughters choir concert that was beautiful. I can't seem to get it out of my head today. Apparently it is an old Nineteenth Century Quaker Benediction; a meditation penned by the great African-American theologian and mystic Howard Thurman. I had never heard it before, and I thought I would share the words with you.

The Work of Christmas

"When the song of the angels is stilled,
when the star in the sky is gone,
when the kings and princes are home,
when the shepherds are back with the flocks,
then the work of Christmas begins:
to find the lost,
to heal those broken in spirit,
to feed the hungry,
to release the oppressed,
to rebuild the nations,
to bring peace among all peoples,
to make a little music with the heart…

And to radiate the Light of Christ,
every day, in every way, in all that we do and in all that we say.
Then the work of Christmas begins.

-- Howard Thurman, The Mood of Christmas, 23

While doing a bit of searching on line I found another selection from this book:

Christmas Is Waiting to Be Born

"Where refugees seek deliverance that never comes,
and the heart consumes itself, if it would live,
Where little children age before their time,

And life wears down the edges of the mind,
Where the old man sits with mind grown cold,

While bones and sinew, blood and cell, go slowly down to death,
Where fear companions each day's life,
And Perfect Love seems long delayed.
In you, in me, in all mankind."
The Mood of Christmas, 21

Here's Thurman's reflection on The Spirit of Christmas:

"The spirit of Christmas--what is it? It is the rainbow arched over the roof of the sky when the clouds are heavy with foreboding. It is the cry of life in the newborn babe when, forced from its mother's nest, it claims its right to live. It is the brooding Presence of the Eternal Spirit making crooked paths straight, rough places smooth, tired hearts refreshed, dead hopes stirred with the newness of life. It is the promise of tomorrow at the close of every day, the movement of life in defiance of death, and the assurance that love is sturdier than hate, that right is more confident that wrong, that good is more permanent than evil.

I think I'd like to find and read the entire Mood of Christmas.....

Let me not Keep Christmas....

And here's another great poem I stumbled on ~

Let me not wrap, stack, box, bag, tie, tag, bundle, seal, keep Christmas.

Christmas kept is liable to mold.
Let me give Christmas away, unwrapped, by exuberant armfuls.
Let me share, dance, live Christmas unpretentiously, merrily, responsibly with overflowing hands, tireless steps and sparkling eyes.
Christmas given away will stay fresh—even until it comes again."

-- Let Me Not Keep Christmas . . . . . . . . Linda Felver

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Thoughts for a warm winters day....

And so the days keep rolling on - Christmas is one day closer, and I am one day farther behind. Well, not on the important things - the gifts are purchased. Just not wrapped. I am a practical person. Sometimes I just don't see the sense of wrapping gifts on Christmas Eve just so they can be torn apart the next morning. What's wrong with an Amazon box under the tree? Yet, I do love beauty, and tradition and usually paper and bows. How can one little ole person have so much tension within themselves? And then I think - is it practicality or laziness? Like, I love Christmas cookies, but I don't get a lot of joy outta making them. Just a mess and a lot of work. This year was an exception cuz Dana came over and it was a social activity and we had a blast. I like Christmas decorations, but darn it, they really start to bug me by December 26th. And then I obsess about having to get them down, and put away. It would be so much easier if I never put 'em up to start with. Bah. It can't all be the laziness factor tho - cuz I like snow. NEW snow. Peaceful, silent, blanketing snow. I hate dirty, slushy, day old Chicago snow. I like winter for one month. One. December. Then I am ready for spring. I love music, but after a week of Christmas songs on the radio I'm ready for silence. I like getting together with friends, but the Holiday season is over kill. I do not want to go to one more party, or concert, or event. Don't ask me how my Christmas shopping is going, or if I am ready for Christmas - do you really care? Or do you just want me to listen to your tales of woe? I want slippers and jammies and hot cocoa with a blankie and a book on my couch. A good friend to talk to. A good movie on TV.
I guess I like the season, and the traditions. I like what I like. But I don't like the expectations, the obligations, the dream of picture perfection. It's tiring, and disappointing and stressful. I want to be joyful, and give from my heart. I want to enjoy things just because. I want the deeper meaning of the season to resonate deep within, to simmer, and get better as the days pass. I want to share joy with another that doesn't feel obligated to give back. I have a friend that my family wanted to give a gift to. But in conversation with her, I found this would make her feel bad. She couldn't find the joy in just receiving a gift of our love without feeling obligated to give us something in return. It made her feel stingy, and ungrateful, like she didn't love us or something. That wasn't the point. I wanted to give to her. But we respected her feelings and decided to not give the gift. Christmas is complicated. The rules are precise. Angst and hurt seem to find a home in these days of celebration. All over the world people are returning to homes and family only to find nothing is the same, and all the pictures they had in their head of Christmas are just a wish. A myth. (I miss you Jen....)
Somewhere along the way Christmas has gone wrong. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. But I don't think so. I don't know how to fix it, so I muddle along with the crowds. But somewhere out there, that Eastern star is shining brightly- just waiting for us to follow and find the love and joy that we have so cavalierly replaced with busyness and things.

Hail, hail to the newborn King
Let our voices sing Him our praises
Hail, hail to the guiding Light
That brought us tonight to our Savior

Halle, hallelujah
Halle, hallelujah
Halle, hallelujah
Halle, hallelujah

Come now, let it shine so bright
To the knowing Light of the stable
Kneel close to the Child so dear
Cast aside your fear and be thankful

Hail, hail to the newborn King
Let our voices sing Him our praises
Hail, hail to the guiding Light
That brought us tonight to our Savior

Halle, hallelujah
Halle, hallelujah
Halle, hallelujah
Halle, hallelujah

Hail, hail to the newborn King
Let our voices sing Him our praises
Hail, hail to the guiding Light
That brought us tonight to our Savior

Halle, hallelujah
Halle, hallelujah
Halle, hallelujah
Halle, hallelujah

"Light of the Stable"

Monday, December 18, 2006

Stir up your power, O Lord, and with great might come among us; and, because we are sorely hindered by our sins, let your bountiful grace and mercy speedily help and deliver us; through Jesus Christ our Lord, to whom, with you and the Holy Spirit, be honor and glory now and for ever. Amen.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

I wonder.....

Babies are so trusting. So open. And so willing to let you love them. Hurt babies, tired babies, scared babies. They long for arms to hold them. They come to you with arms outstretched in supplication. Hold me, love me, reassure me, comfort me. And, as the adult they seek out, we feel so blessed. So needed. So honored to be the one to bestow love and compassion on them. To feel their tired body relax into yours, and feel yours relax in love and contentment in response to theirs. To let time slow, and embrace the rhythm of rocking. To feel the stress of life subside as you minister to another.

Is it like that with God? Does he feel happiness when we crawl to him in hurt or exhaustion? Does he feel great joy holding us against his chest as we melt into the safety of his arms? Does he hold our tired selves with great contentment, rocking us in his reassuring embrace? Does his heart thrill at our blatant need for love and sing with ecstasy to know we need him?

I wonder.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Blessed is the LORD! for he has heard the voice of my prayer. The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I have been helped; Therefore my heart dances for joy, and in my song will I praise him. The LORD is the strength of his people,a safe refuge for his anointed. Save your people and bless your inheritance; shepherd them and carry them for ever. Psalm 28:7-11

Let not those who hope in you be put to shame through me, Lord GOD of hosts; let not those who seek you be disgraced because of me, O God of Israel. Psalm 69:7

A funny thing happened....

Yesterday was just a sucky day. I am so glad it's over! I felt miserable, as I 'm sure you could tell from my blog, tired and cranky all day. Unfortunately, my daughter's holiday band concert was a must show event. That made me even crabbier. Bah Humbug. I went home after school and crawled into bed - because it was the thing I wanted to do so badly, and also to see if sleep would fix my headache and crappy mood. No such luck. I reluctantly got up, picked up Carissa from school, made dinner and fought with the dumb dog. All he wanted was exercise, all I wanted was a pillow. So, feeling more and more miserable, I reluctantly got in the car and went off to the band concert. And as I sat there and listened to the music a funny thing happened. It began to seep into my soul, and I began to relax. My headache actually went away and I felt happy again. So weird. always seems to come back in some form to music.
Another funny thing, on my way to school, home from school, to pick up Carissa, and on the way home from the band concert, as I was driving, and mind you, there is time for only one song on those drives, I heard Chris Tomlin's Made to Worship. All four times today. Every time. No coincidence. Worship. Music. Hand in hand. The way I was made......
So, it all comes full circle. Back to my need for music. Tempered by the need to find the balance concerning how I regard music in my life. And, rather than setting it aside as I have so recently done, to still recognize that God uses music in my life in wonderful ways.
OK - that was a little better than the cynicism of yesterday's post.....LOL

Thursday, December 14, 2006

A lump of coal?

Christmas. It should be a wonderful time of year. So, why is it so often the most miserable time of year? I have often wondered about this.
Norman Rockwell bliss. Oh, how high our expectations are! Each year hope springs eternal that no matter how many times we have been disappointed in the past this will be the year of the Perfect Holiday. Why do we keep setting ourselves up to fail? Even in my quest to simplify this year, I find the myriad of things I have to do really puts a damper on my spirits. Why is it that the holidays have to be so darn stressful? I know all the typical answers. And all the psychological answers. But I saw a quote this morning that was interesting and put a little different spin on the answer.

"An old abbot was fond of saying, ‘The devil is always the most active on the highest feast days.’

"The supreme trick of old scratch is to have us so busy decorating, preparing food, practicing music and cleaning in preparation for the feast of Christmas that we actually miss the coming of Christ. Hurt feelings, anger, impatience, injured egos—the list of clouds that busyness creates to blind us to the birth can be long, but it is familiar to us all.
Edward Hays, A Pilgrim's Almanac

Thanks Darla, for posting this on your blog.

Yes, the stress is real. The exhaustion is there. We push, and push, and do, and do, until we snap at friends and family. We find ourselves cranky, and depressed, with hurt feelings and, often times, anger. The joy is not there. I for one don't want to smile one more smile, or wish one more person a Merry Christmas. I can't eat one more cookie, wrap one more gift, or go to one more concert. I don't want to know if your Christmas shopping is done, and why do you really care if mine is? It's just meaningless conversation. And it's only December 14th.

It makes me think of Martha and Mary. Martha, who was busy doing, and Mary, who was sitting at the feet of Jesus, learning and worshiping and just being. I think most of us are Martha's this time of year. I wish I could learn to be Mary. I want to be Mary. I'm tired of being Martha. I'm tired of running myself ragged in the pursuit of perceived expectations, that picture perfect result, in order to fulfill some unspoken rules of the holidays.

There are things I am still excited about. Being home for Christmas instead of traveling. Being with my church family on Christmas Eve. Being part of a Christmas celebration and dinner for people in the community who are in need. Baking Cookies with friends.
The soft glow of lights on a tree. Cinnamon. Peppermint. Hot Chocolate. Coffee with a friend. Good conversation. Family together - just us, not extended.

In a way, the tension between what I am excited about, and what depresses me is harder to deal with than just being totally scroogy. Being conflicted internally hurts. I just turned off the Christmas music - it's driving me crazy. Hmmmm, this is a totally rambling, crabby, irritable post. Sorry. I've tried twice today and come up with nothing but cynicism and bad cheer. I almost deleted them, but decided to just let 'em be. After all, it took about 3 weeks longer to hit this point than it did last year! Then when things are good - when my world tilts the other way, I'll have even more reason to celebrate. And more to be thankful for.
Right now, I just wanna take a nap.

Synapses aren't firing today.....

Something is bugging me. Chewing at the very edge of my consciousness. I can't get a hold of it; it eludes me over and over again. Whatever it is, it is consuming what little brainpower I have this morning. Interrupting the ability to process, and think about anything logically and with any sense of purpose. I can't settle on any one thought for more than two seconds. I can't read - at least not the things I want to read, because that takes the capacity to understand new concepts and ideas, and decide if I agree or disagree. I can't pray, because I can't settle my mind in any one spot. I can't converse intelligently with anyone - I can't pay attention, I can't listen, and I can't remember what they are telling me five minutes later. Apparently, I can't do much more than sit and stare blankly at the wall, chin propped in my hand, trying desperately not to fall asleep. I keep trying. I open a blog here, and a blog there, but can only read a line or two before I lose interest. I try to read an article about something I am very interested in, but I can't get beyond a paragraph before I realize I am not comprehending anything. Just now I realized I am even staring blindly at the computer screen and haven't written a word in about ten minutes. I keep listening for what ever it is to make itself known. Silence. And the very act of listening, even internally, is hindered by the fact that my ear hurts. That has nothing to do with a quiet, listening heart, but somehow it affects it. I wish I could go somewhere and just try to deal with this, but I am locked into a work environment. Responsibilities. Obligations. A co-worker who stands in front of me in tears over a Christmas that hurts. I can't just get up and go. My eyes are heavy; my heart is too. I just want to close my eyes and escape into sleep. Leave this problem for later. Run from, instead of pursuing this, this, whatever it is that I am suppose to hear....
My head hurts, my ear hurts, but most of all, my heart hurts.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

The Divine Hours

I have become intrigued over the past few months with the concept of The Divine Hours. But like so many things I get interested in, I'm not sure if it is just interest, or a discipline that I would like to introduce to my life. I thought about purchasing a book, but again, decided I need to wait a bit and see if it is really something I intend to do. So I was really excited to find a website that I can use!
Here you can find information about fixed hour prayer, suggestions, and best of all, the offices themselves. I will definitely be checking this out now, and I thought I'd share in case anyone else had an interest. Enjoy! :)

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Peace on Earth......U2

Hear it every Christmas time

But hope and history won't rhyme

So what's it worth,

This peace on earth?

Friday, December 08, 2006

The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.

Marcel Proust

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Yeah - I know..

It's been awhile since I posted anything. Sorry. First I was busy, then my internet was down, and then I got sick.....guess it just wasn't meant to be.
Anyway, now I am better and the internet is co-operating again, so I can tell you about my Saturday. It was one of the best days I have had in a long time. This year I have determined to simplify Christmas at our house. Last year was insane. I was stressed and sick, and frustrated and didn't even care if the house was decorated or anything else got done. Scrooge, that was me. So this year I decided that I wasn't gonna let Christmas get the best of me, I was gonna get the best out of it. And that meant simplify. So, no cards this year. Sorry. If you usually get a card from us, we still love you, and are thinking of you, but I had to cut something back, and that was the casualty. Then we only put up the Christmas decorations that we actually liked. Way fewer ornaments on the tree, and lots less stuff just sitting around.
We also decided to not travel at all this Christmas. Every year we travel to either Ohio or Florida, which totally eats up our break and our Christmas spirit. Not only did I want to be home this year, but I wanted to be in my own church for Christmas. That is a rare occurrance since we usually travel. I am so, so excited about that - just to enjoy Christmas with our church family this year.
I also told the kids to be simple with gifts - think it through and make choices, then let me know so I could get it done a little early this year - and they did, and I did. Of course nothing's wrapped, but fewer gifts are fewer boxes to wrap!
Cookies - I was ready to pick a couple and do them, just to have a few, and also to have a good time baking with my girls. But not too many, because that can also be a stressor. And that is actually where this post started. Dana came over on Saturday because she had something she needed my son to do for her. So, since she was coming she said why didn't she bring ingredients for cookies and we could do some baking. She knew all about my holiday simplification plans and was ready for me to say no, I didn't WANT to, but instead I said sure! So she arrived with bags of groceries
and lots of suggestions. After we narrowed it down to about 10 types we realized we still needed some stuff so we headed out to the store. While there we also decided to buy ingredients for tortilla soup. One must keep up ones strength while baking cookies!
And then we started the cookie making marathon.
Dana started with one recipe, and I started another and Kelsey assisted us both. It was quite humerous to say the least. And messy, and silly, and yummy. Before long we had Carissa drawn in too. And by the time we needed to make the soup she had enlisted a friend to help too. Paige was so excited - apparently her mom never lets her cook because....? She makes a mess, or hurts herself, or it takes longer, whatever. Paige peeling carrots was hilarious!

We took a break to eat dinner, and watch "The Reduced Shakespeare Company" DVD and then just kept baking....and baking.....and baking. By the time we were done we had almost 30 dozen cookies. LOL. Yes, we were (and are) insane. But it was FUN! Not stressful. Not a chore. FUN. And now I have cookies for the holidays. :D Believe it or not, when we finished at 11:00 p.m. Kelsey still had to make brownies for lunch at Karen T's the next day.
By Monday, I was sick. Worked half a day, and spent 2 1/2 days down with the flu. :( But no panic - I'm all caught up with my simple Christmas. And I'm much happier, less stressed, not as crabby and beginning to enjoy the season! Awesome!

Friday, December 01, 2006

SNOW DAY!! Snow Day!! SNOW DAY!! sNow daY!! snow day!! SNOW DAY!! SNOW DAY!! Snow Day!! SNOW DAY!! sNow daY!! snow day!! SNOW DAY!! SNOW DAY!! Snow Day!! SNOW DAY!! sNow daY !! snow day!! SNOW DAY!! :) :)

SNOW DAY!! Snow Day!! SNOW DAY!! sNow daY !! snow day!! SNOW DAY!! SNOW DAY!! Snow Day!! SNOW DAY!! sNow daY !! snow day!! SNOW DAY!! SNOW DAY!! Snow Day!! SNOW DAY!! sNow daY !! snow day!! SNOW DAY!! :) :)

Thursday, November 30, 2006

I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You

And in the quiet hear Your voice.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Rainy Days and Mondays....

Another morning. Warm and spitting rain. I'm sitting here trying to get something coherent down, and nothing is happening. I think my brain is on strike, taking the break that I won't give it. I can't make logical sense of any of the thoughts swirling around in my head. Probably because they are too many to count. One thought leads to another, and yet another, totally intertwined and I can't sort them out - they refuse definition; they don't fit neatly into a specific category. I can't even figure out what conclusion I am trying to come to. I can't sequence, so forget asking me a question. I have no answers today. And probably not tomorrow. New thoughts? Forget it. I can't read past three paragraphs in a book with out my brain protesting that it is in the possession of too much to think about already and can't take one more idea. And I pass out holding my book and wake up hours later having accomplished nothing. I just want to learn so badly. To soak up new ideas, process them and use them. It's like an addiction, and apparently I'm overdosing on ideas. My natural curiosity won't let me be content with just ideas either. I have to know how they relate to other ideas, how they interact and the ramifications. And this triggers other tangents and possibilities, and I can only go down one path at a time. Running through life doesn't help me experience it or enjoy it, or even truly learn from it.

All that to say, please don't ask me any deep questions or expect me to have any great insights in a discussion today. And if you already have, please forgive my lack of response, it's not because I don't want to respond, it's because, right now, I can't.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Listen to the music.......

"I think worship is the strongest tool we have in fighting those negative messages. You are what you're filled with. The great thing about music is it is always available. If you feel overwhelmed by this life, you can crank up the tunes and let the Lord minister to you and get refocused."

Rick Heil of Sonicflood puts into words the way I have always felt. I have always used music to speak to my heart and refocus myself. Music always got into the cracks of my soul where nothing else could reach. Yet, now, I'm wondering if this has been the wrong approach. Or if I just need a new focus, a new way to think and learn and regroup.

Or if God is just tired of competing with the music.....

Monday, November 27, 2006

It's HARD to be like Jesus.

We used this song in church Sunday as a reflection piece. Wow. The words in red are the ones that really spoke to me.....

Rich Mullins

Well, I am a good Midwestern boy
I give an honest day's work if I can get it
I don't cheat on my taxes, I don't cheat on my girl
I've got values that would make the White House jealous

Well, I do get a little much over-impressed
'Til I think of Peter and Paul and the apostles
I don't stack up too well against them I guess
But by the standards 'round here I ain't doing that awful

Lord, it's hard to turn the other cheek
Hard to bless when others curse you
Oh Lord, it's hard to be a man of peace
Lord, it's hard, oh it's hard,
You know it's hard to be like Jesus
Don't you know it's hard, oh it's hard,
Oh Lord, it's hard to be like Jesus

And it's hard to step out on them waves
Hard to walk beyond your vision
Oh Lord, it's hard to be a man of faith
Lord, it's hard (hard), Lord, it's hard (so hard),
Oh Lord, it's hard to be like Jesus
Don't you know it's hard (hard), oh it's hard (yeah hard),
Oh Lord, it's hard to be like Jesus

Well, His eye's on the sparrow
And the lilies of the field I've heard
And He will watch over you and He will watch over me
So we can dress like flowers and eat like birds

And it's hard when your soul had been stripped bare
Hard to lift your eyes toward Heaven
Oh Lord, it's hard to be a man of prayer
Lord, it's hard, oh it's hard,
You know it's hard to be like Jesus

Lord, it's hard to be a man of peace
But it's hard (so hard), ain't it hard (hard),
You know it's hard to be like Jesus
Don't you know it's hard (hard), and it's hard (yeah hard)
To be a man of peace (hard, so hard)
But it's hard to be like Jesus

And I'm trying, trying, try
Oh Lord, I try so hard
Don't you know it's hard
Oh glory, oh gracious
But ain't it hard to be like Jesus

Well, I am a good Midwestern boy
I give an honest day's work if I can get it
I don't cheat on my taxes, I don't cheat on my girl
I've got values that would make the White House jealous

Being like Jesus is not easy at all. It's the hardest thing I've ever tried to do. Hard to love people that I don't like. Hard to love people that hurt me. Hard to love people that say mean things, or always have it in for you, make things hard for you. It's hard to love people I don't know. Hard to love people that are not like me.
It's hard to step out of the safety of the boat I'm in and on to the unstable water. Drowning is a pretty good bet. Sinking at the very least. Totally overwhelming unless I keep my eyes on Jesus. It's hard. It's hard to trust him for a future I can not see, and that he knows what's best even if it seems like it's the worst thing that could be happening at that moment. Hard to keep the vision when it seems like things just never work out the way you hoped. When all you can see is the glass half empty.
And it's hard when you've reached the very bottom. There's nowhere left to fall. No way up, or out. Total despair, overwhelming sadness and fear. It's hard to keep going. Trusting. Believing.
Don't let any one tell you anything different. It's HARD. But it's what we have been called to do.

The day the music died.......

I'm still struggling with this music thing. It's just so not me. I suppose my lack of interest is saying something important to me if I would just listen. Today, I got in the car and turned on the radio. Determined to take back the music that is such a part of me. As I turned on the radio a song was just starting; and this is what I heard:

When the music fades
and all has slipped away
and I simply come.
Longing just to be
something that's of worth
that will bless Your heart.

I'll bring You more than a song,
for a song in itself
is not what You have required.
You search much deeper within,
through the way things appear,
Your looking into my heart.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
and its all about You, its all about You, Jesus.
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
when its all about You, its all about You, Jesus.

King of endless worth,
no one could express
how much you deserve.
Though I'm weak and poor,
all I have is Yours,
every single breath!

I'll bring You more than a song,
for a song in itself
is not what You have required.
You search much deeper within,
through the way things appear,
Your looking into my heart.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
and its all about You, its all about You, Jesus.
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
when its all about You, its all about You, Jesus.

Coincidence? I doubt it. Hmmmm......

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Our walls of division do not rise all the way to heaven.

Metropolitan Philaret of Moscow

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Coulda been worse.....

So, my son, Chris, and his friend Brian were in an accident this afternoon. Brian was driving and they got hit while making a left turn. Both of them seem to be ok, but sore, and they will probably be sore-er tomorrow. If they had been hit a little further back Chris could have been hurt a lot more. I don't know what it is with my children and accidents on Tuesdays in November, but I told Carissa, as the only one not having been involved in an accident on a Tuesday in November; she is only allowed to walk from now on on those days. LOL.
Anyway, now I have something else to be thankful for - God protecting Chris this afternoon.

Wii, Wii, Wii.......

Wanna laugh until it hurts? Try the new Wii. My son got one, and believe me, we were about to wee over the wii. Just trying to get the hang of it is hilarious. And everyone looks pretty stupid. But, wow, is it cool!
All I can say is, it's the first thing we've done in a while where everyone in the family was involved and laughing.....
Oh - and another thing, no more couch potato gamers....:) Too fun.

I am thankful for:

my family
my health
my church
my church family
good friends
grace and mercy
past 2 years struggles
all my blog friends, new and old.

Monday, November 20, 2006

another quiz.....

Your Language Arts Grade: 100%

Way to go! You know not to trust the MS Grammar Check and you know "no" from "know." Now, go forth and spread the good word (or at least, the proper use of apostrophes).

Are You Gooder at Grammar?
Make a Quiz

Saturday, November 18, 2006

I like this....

". . . For all that 'I was lost, I am found', it is probably more accurate to say, 'I was really lost, I'm a little less so at the moment.' And then a little less and a little less again. That to me is the spiritual life. The slow reworking and rebooting of a computer at regular intervals, reading the small print of the service manual. It has slowly rebuilt me in a better image. It has taken years, though, and it is not over yet."

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Do you deserve your highschool diploma?

You paid attention during 97% of high school!

85-100% You must be an autodidact, because American high schools don't get scores that high! Good show, old chap!

Do you deserve your high school diploma?
Create a Quiz

Thank you for scoring highly on this quiz, there is sweet hope for the future. If you did not score high, please join the Volunteer for Human Extinction Movement. Either way, share your results with your friends so they can take this quiz and test their knowledge!

HEY, in addition to looking smart, I learned a new word!! autodidact

I'm a Christ Follower..... ENJOY!

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3 - LOL LOL LOL

Part 4

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

The Sounds of Silence

Something's wrong. I'm finding I want to listen to silence more than music.....
Over the past several days I can't find anything that I want to listen to. Even my favorites hold no appeal. I hop from artist to artist, station to station, genre to genre, and I don't resonate with anything. It all bores me. There's no enjoyment. I keep seeking in vain. Nothing. Ok. So be it. I'm gonna listen to the silence. And maybe in that silence hear the voice of God?

Monday, November 13, 2006

"Weekend in New England"

We had a wonderful weekend in New England. Gordon College was awesome, and Carissa and her friend Jess really liked it a lot.They are both wearing Gordon scarves and drinking out of Gordon mugs and they have their keys on Gordon Lanyards.......
The weather was gorgeous. 60 and sunny. What more could you want on the 10th and 11th of November?
The campus was very nice also - as you can see from the pix. The girls attended 2 classes - a Theater class and also Bible Literature/Greek class. We met with the theater prof later in the day, and I must say, we were very impressed. With him, his department and his advice. The girls both had their interviews. We took a tour. Gorgeous athletic center. Shabby Chic dorms. Well, the old ones anyway. Chapel - simple and so New England.
The campus had a well worn, well loved aura about it. Not all polished and perfect and "new". Not pretentious. Intellectual feeling library, old and serious. We were able to attend opening night of a play written and produced by the eleven actors themselves. "Growing Up Christian" - poignant and funny and sadly true. Something for everyone. We stayed for the post-show discussion.

The girls stayed on campus Friday night - ironically with a girl from Wheaton. LOL. Saturday we picked them up and headed to Concord, because the girls would not rest until they revisited The Cheese Shop, which they had visited a couple years ago on their band trip to Boston.
We took pix, and bought yummy sandwiches at their deli to take back to Rockport. Rockport is a town at the tip of Cape Anne. You pass through Gloucester to get there. We honeymooned in Rockport 24 years ago, and then went back 2 years ago with our kids. Carissa was also there with the band. We all love Rockport. So Friday night Kim and I stayed at the Sally Webster Inn in Rockport. And then Friday night the girls joined us there. It's neat because the innkeeper's kids went to Gordon.

So, anyway, Friday, after Concord we went back to Rockport with our lunch, and went out on Bearskin Neck to eat and just watch the harbor and the ocean. The trawlers, small fishing boats, lobster traps, seabirds, gentle ocean swells. Peaceful. Restful.
And while I was taking pictures a seagull ate half my yummy sandwich.... At home it's the dogs, in Rockport it's the seagulls.
Then we walked around and shopped and soaked in the ambiance - for lack of a better word. We people watched. Around 3 we went back to the inn and took naps - we were all sooooooooo tired. That evening we went down to The Fish Shack for $12 lobsters. YUM!! I love this town. I enjoyed Gordon. In a way I selfishly hope my daughter goes here so I have a good excuse to visit often.
So that was basically our weekend. It was a fun, relaxing break. Enjoyable.
Enjoy the pictures!

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Please Come to Boston...

So, today we are off to Massachusetts to visit Gordon College. I love Boston. I love history. I wish I were going to Gordon College.....
Thankfully, my daughter inherited my appreciation for New England, Boston, and all things historic. :) And to that she merged her love for art. So what better place to go to school than Gordon? A stones throw from Boston proper in one direction, and a stones throw from Rockport on Cape Ann in the other. The towns of Gloucester, Essex, Manchester-by-the-Sea, and Rockport comprise Cape Ann. Rockport has a thriving artists colony, good food, quaint Bed and Breakfasts and lost of unique people. I love it. She loves it. In fact, the artists colony has been around since pre-depression days.
Rockport still thrived as an artists colony -- which began years earlier due to its rocky, boulder-strewn ocean beaches, its quaint fishing shacks, a harbor filled with small, colorful fishing boats, and the fact that Cape Ann was made famous by Rudyard Kipling's Captains Courageous. A red fishing shack on Bradley Wharf in Rockport, known as 'Motif Number 1', has for years been one of the most famous sites on Cape Ann, at first as the subject of hundreds of paintings, then as it became well known, as a site to be photographed and visited by tourists from all over the world in itself.

Here is my picture of "Motif Number 1" Whadya think?

Anyway, all that to say, I won't be around this weekend. We will be at Gordon College and also playing on Cape Ann. Eating seafood. Saltwater Taffy. Fudge. Going to cheese shops. Drooling over artwork. Soaking up charm, and quaintness, breathing salty air, and watching the tide roll in. I'm sure it will be too short.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Yaconelli on Passion

Passion is a roller coaster ride that can happen when you follow Jesus Christ. It is the breathtaking, thrill-filled, bone-rattling ride of a lifetime where every moment matters and all you can do is hang on for dear life...When there is no passion, we live our lives in the smoky fog of sameness. Life loses its distinctions and we no longer see the nuances, the tiny differences. We no longer feel our feelings. They become dull and insensitive. Life without passion is life without texture, contrast, and depth....Passion is always risky....People were estranged from their church and rejected by their parents; they became unemployed suddenly, ended up in jail, lost their lives, became personae no gratae...Passion is not something to be treated lightly. The passionate life is a risky life. The question is: Is the passionate life worth the risk?

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Changing a Light Bulb the Christian Way

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic : Only 1 - Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal : 10 - One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians : None - Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic : None - Candles only.

Baptists : At least 15 - One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken .

Episcopalians: 3 - One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons : 5 - One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians : We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem orcompose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service,in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which areequally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists : Undetermined - Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb,
or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

Nazarene: 6 - One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None - Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish : - What's a light bulb?

Friday, November 03, 2006

My baby....

OK. I am gonna try one more time to post these. I give up on IE for now. Big pictures don't work there, medium pictures don't work there, and these probably won't work there either. Go get Mozilla people, then I won't drive you crazy with a broken blog....
Anyway, here are Carissa's senior pictures:

You can see 'em bigger if you click on them.

Life is good....

There's nothing better in life than taking a cat nap curled up in a comfy chair in the sun with a dog on the floor at your feet and another cuddled up in your lap sleeping. :)
When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.

Maya Angelou

Thursday, November 02, 2006

The Pirate Queen

Last night my daughter, her two friends, and I went to see The Pirate Queen. It does still have some problems - fixable - and a few rough edges that need polishing; a bit of work here and there and it will be even more awesome than it already is! And I guess I am willing to overlook some of this because I am fascinated by the topic. Intrigued I decided to do some research on the true Pirate Queen: Gráinne Ní Mháille, which was translated by the English as Grace O’Malley. Surprisingly, there is quite a bit of information to be found on line. I would like to find a copy of Granuaile: Ireland's Pirate Queen, 1530-1603, and read it to get the rest of the story, and fill in the details that obviously can't be covered in a show of this length. That and possibly Grania -- She King of the Irish Seas," by Morgan Llywelyn, which was the novel the show was based on.

The story itself, set in the 16th century, is a timeless love story of star crossed lovers and duty to country with English meddling thrown in to complicate matters. The theme of prejudice and oppression towards woman is also a complicating force. Grace learns early on to deal with the complications. Motherless, at a time when women on a boat are considered to bring bad luck, and with the help of Tiernan, her childhood friend she disguises herself as a boy and becomes a hand on her father’s vessel. When disaster strikes she proves her worth and ability and earns a place as one of the ships crew despite the fact that she is a woman.

Grace and Tiernan fall in love on the pirate ship, which in its day destroyed and plundered many English ships.

Grace is seen as a threat to Queen Elizabeth the first, not only as a proud defender of Ireland, but also as a direct rival for Irish loyalty. Elizabeth sees herself as Queen of Ireland and will not stand for another (a woman, no less, how ironic!) to be seen as sovereign of Ireland. She orders Grace destroyed.

Warring clans are forced to unite against England, and Grace, though in love with Tiernan is to be married to Donal O’Flaherty, heir to a powerful neighboring clan. Grace, devastated accepts this as her duty and abides by her fathers wish, leaving behind a heartbroken Tiernan.

OK – that’s all I’m telling you. There is a lot more to cover in this fast paced 2 hour and 40 minute musical. Love, betrayal, sword fights, Irish dancing, battle scenes, great celtic music and an awesome set with wonderful special effects and lighting made this a really enjoyable musical. To say nothing of the fact that it is awesome to see a strong woman depicted and honored. Grace has some great lines in this play!

Because this is the world premiere here in Chicago, and pre-Broadway, the sound track has not been released yet. I will definitely be waiting to purchase it!

Anne Chambers, author of the biography, Granuaile: Ireland's Pirate Queen, 1530-1603 and Consultant to the Show writes the background historical notes both for the Show’s official website and for the performance program. "Believing that what emerges is the story of a unique mould-breaker, a woman far more liberated and empowered than most in this age of perceived equality and woman-power," she has this to say about Grace:
Granuaile was a victim of the male orientation of historical record and analysis. But in her case more than mere male chauvinism ensured her dismissal from the pages of history. By not fitting the mould determined and demanded by later generations of Irish historians, Granuaile committed an additional transgression. Until recent years Irish heroes were required to be suitably adorned in the green cloak of patriotism, their personal lives untainted, their religious beliefs fervently Roman Catholic (with an occasional allowance for rebel Protestants!). But Granuaile was, as one of her detractors wrote of her, 'a woman who overstepped the part of womanhood'. In not allowing religious, social or political convention to deter her during her lifetime, she simply did not fit the required historical mould.

Anyway, I realize I am getting carried away, but I am intrigued, and want to learn more about this. Despite lackluster reviews, the audience responded favorably and enthusiastically. With the exception of the elderly man next to me who kept nodding off, it seemed like most people thoroughly enjoyed it. Probably this is not a show for everyone. Then don’t go, but if you like this kind of story, you WILL like The Pirate Queen.

See video clip here.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Asleep In The Light ~ Keith Green

Do you see, do you see
All the people sinking down
Dont you care, dont you care
Are you gonna let them drown

How can you be do numb
Not to care if they come
You close your eyes
And pretend the jobs done

Oh bless me lord, bless me lord
You know its all I ever hear
No one aches, no one hurts
No one even sheds one tear

But he cries, he weeps, he bleeds
And he cares for you needs
And you just lay back
And keep soaking it in
Oh cant you see its such a sin

cause he brings people to you door
And you turn them away
As you smile and say
God bless you, be at peace
And all heaven just weeps
cause jesus came to you door
You've left him out on the streets

Open up open up
And give yourself away
You see the need, you hear the cries
So how can you delay

Gods calling and youre the one
But like jonah you run
Hes told you to speak
But you keep holding it in
Of cant you see its such a sin

The world is sleeping in the dark
That the church just cant fight
cause its asleep in the light
How can you be so dead
When youve been so well fed
Jesus rose from the grave
And you, you cant even get out of bed

Oh, jesus rose from the dead
Come on get out of your bed

How can you be so numb
Not to care if they come
You close your eyes
And pretend the jobs done
You close your eyes
And pretend the jobs done

Dont close your eyes
Dont pretend the jobs done
Come away, come away, come away with me my love
Come away, come away, come away with me my love

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Blog bugs

For those of you who use Internet Explorer to view this blog, I apologize that the title is cut off. I'm not sure why the silver blogger nav bar above it is on two lines instead of one. If anyone has any ideas I'm open for suggestions. Hopefully I will be able to fix it soon. It all shows fine in Mozilla. :) And if anything else looks weird, please let me know! Thanks. :)

Monday, October 30, 2006

Have courage for the great sorrows of life, and patience for the small ones. When you have laboriously accomplished your daily tasks, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.

Victor Hugo

Sunday, October 29, 2006

at the bottom looking up

the day's been long. parts of it have been hard. it's hard to grasp that you can experience highs and good things one minute and suddenly be brought low the next. without warning. how one little thing, or word, or look, or thought can start a snowball down a hill that grows and grows and crushes your soul. it's been a long day.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Thinking = sin?

Wow. I was reading some past posts on another blog today. The author was asking hard questions about God, wondering, thinking, trying to get a handle on her beliefs. I don't know that I agreed with everything she said, but I believe she had the right to wonder, to think, to ask questions. For years I have been afraid to do that; mainly because of my strong evangelical background. Not that I didn't want to - in fact I questioned silently - never expressing the things that bothered me. Never talking about the things I didn't agree with, the things I had serious questions about. Why the fear, you may ask? Because of precisely the attitude I saw in this comment responding to her seeking.

"I think you people need to get prodigal, return to the fold, and allow God's Word to be your guide. You guys think too much - just trust your local preacher at a Bible-based church.

Please understand this was written in love, the love of Jesus Christ, so you can repent of your selective unbelief. My prayer group and I will be praying for you!"

I don't know this gentleman, but he followed this comment with a couple more. I am not shocked - as I said, this is why I never talked about my musings. But I am saddened that there are still people out there that don't allow others to wonder, and learn and grow. That don't understand that we are free to wrestle with the hard things - not trying to break free of God, but to understand that he give us room to push the boundaries while still holding us safe in him arms.

To blindly follow a local preacher is to not use the intellect God gave me. To blindly follow is passive, comfortable and stupid. I will never own my faith that way. I will never internalize and make it my own. It will never truly be mine. I will never understand why I believe what I believe. People like this man are the reason we are finding such a crisis with our churched youth today. This is why we are losing the young demographic at an alarming rate. Rather than teaching them to blindly trust us and the rules and regulations that may or may not be right, we need to give them the basics, the underlying principles, and then encourage them to think, and make their faith their own. To make their own decisions about why things are right or wrong. To understand the reasons for the directives God gave and then apply them to their lives. Without the struggle they will never be a truly developed child of God. Do we want them to be a caterpillar, chrysalis or a butterfly?

OK - off my soapbox. Sorry, this person just hit me way wrong this morning.....

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Reliant K(aren)

So, my internet went down again this weekend. Unbelievable. This is the third major outage in a week and a half. I know it's gotta be intermittent at other times too. Why it chooses the weekend to crash is beyond me. Now, today I am at work and can finally check my email and blogger is having problems. Aargh. Wow, I guess I depend way too much on what I get from the internet. I'm gonna try and post this - cross your fingers that it worked. And that the cable guy got the cable fixed at my house also. If so- I'll be back up and running with e-mail soon. I hope.

Update: well, they "fixed" the internet (Cable) and it worked great - for about 4 hours. Now it is down again. And I pay for this torture. So, for the 4th time in a week and a half someone will have to take off work to wait for the cable guy.....
So, again I say, if I don't respond to an important e-mail - call me!

Saturday, October 21, 2006

It happens all the's just easier for me to pretend it doesn't....

Wow – I was really frustrated today. OK, I was mad today. And sad. My daughter and I were out in the community picking up bags of food from porches for our food drive to help the local food pantry. Last week we passed out bags, and this week we went back to pick up the food that was left for us. Last week as we walked around the neighborhood we saw several police cars patrolling. We saw them again today. We wondered if they were watching us. We were driving slowly, taking things off porches, doing u-turns and not wearing seatbelts. Pretty suspicious I guess… We drove by the police several times and every time I was uneasy – but apparently we must have passed some test. They left us alone.
Not so with G and M. They were picking up in the same neighborhood as we were. The difference? They were African American. It made all the difference. They were stopped by the police and questioned. They were not doing anything different than my daughter and I. We had as much exposure to the same police officers as they did. Yet apparently some profiling was going on, and they were stopped and questioned and checked up on. It made me sad. I felt bad, and even embarrassed, both for them, and for the police. Not sure where I’m really going with this. I just know that I hurt deep inside for G and M and it made me really angry……

Friday, October 20, 2006

LogoThere are:
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

the 36th most popular female name? Huh? Maybe years ago.....
As for my family - there are 79 Christopher Gerbers, 2 Kelsey Gerbers and just my one little ole Carissa Gerber. I always knew God broke the mold after he made her....LOL.
Christopher is the 13th most popular guys name.
There are 16 Kim Gerbers. Of course, statistically, most of them are female....

Thursday, October 19, 2006

"I got the music in me..."

So, tonight I went to the high school orchestra/choir concert. Listening to the students sing it really hit me just how much I miss choir. I think I have been ignoring that fact, repressing it, but last night there it was, and I couldn't deny it. Unless you've been part of something like that you really can't understand all the facets, all the nuances of making this kind of music. I miss the music: the melody, the harmony. I miss listening to each other, the working together, the blending of voices. I miss being part of a larger being that creates together; taking all those individual voices and becoming one integrated voice with shading and depth and dimension. I miss all the feelings and emotions it elicits. The joy, the freedom, the places it takes you. I miss the rhythm getting inside you, becoming part of your heartbeat. I miss the beauty. I miss the pain. I miss it all. Just sitting there soaking it in, I realize just how much music is part of me. And I miss that form of expression. I miss making music.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.

David Lloyd George

Friday, October 13, 2006

Can you hear me now?

There is nothing more frustrating than your internet being down for a couple days. Well, maybe there is, but not to me. I feel like my lifeline is cut off. Is that addiction or what? Anyway, they came out yesterday to fix it, and then last night it went right back down. Which sucks - cuz I use email more than the phone to communicate with people. So, finally a smart trouble shooter pulled up our modem records and found out that indeed we are having an extraordinarily high amount of intermittent outages. Duh..... So, they are supposed to come out again today and "fix" it. With notes that it is intermittent - so spend some time with it, and that the "homeowner" is getting frustrated. LOL. Hope they fix it, cuz I won't have the availability to check on stuff from work over the weekend. So - if you really need me, and I don't respond to your email - call :)
Bright side? Imposed rest from blogs and email. Down side? Imposed rest from blogs and email. ;)

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Where do I begin?

My head is full of things rattling and crashing around. Thoughts tumbling over and over irritating the edges of my sanity. It's difficult to try to bring order to the chaos. Or even attempt to be linear in my thought process. It's all tangents and rabbit trails. And nothing ever gets resolved, or even managed. Each small, seemingly inconsequential thought gathers speed and snowballs. The thing that sucks is, there is no time to just be alone and think; to deal with the thoughts, ideas, questions and theories. And so they all collide in one great jumbled mess until I can't find the beginning or end of any of them. Exhausted, I stagger under the weight. Giving in, I throw my hands up in frustration.
Where does one find silence and solitude when one has a family and a job? A quiet place where one can just hang out with God and rest and listen? A place where one can just BE?

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

This makes me Smile! :)

I don't know who Matt is - but this guy sure makes me smile! :) Apparently - according to a blurb I saw on him, in 2003, he quit his job making videogames in Brisbane, Australia to go walk the Earth, like Caine from Kung Fu. He made this site so he could keep his family and friends updated about where he was. Matt realizes that Caine from Kung Fu probably wouldn't make a web site about walking the Earth, but he accepts that there are certain ways in which he and Caine differ. Any way his first video can be found here.