fluctuating certainty
...Climbing out of this boat I'm in, onto the crashing waves
" The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes."

Marcel Proust


Name: Karen Gerber
From: West Chicago, Illinois, United States
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    Worth a Read... What I think in my head is not always so... If you don't have anything good to say.... Hi Karen,

    I think you should come and stay with us for a while. I think we have about 360 days of sunshine a year here in South Africa :) And summer's here now. You sound like you need some sun.

    Taking people into your home can be very stressful. We started doing it in 2000. I think one of the things that you have to remember is to be honest. If the person talkes a lot, tell them you need silence for an hour. If they are offended, they can leave :)

    I always tell people my friends that we need God always, but we desperately need Him inside the noise. It's possible to find Him inside the storm. I love the quote on your page that says..." The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes." Sometimes the voyages comes to us. May our eyes be opened.

    p.s. I wasn't kidding when I said you could come and stay with us :)
    thanks for the offer! It always helps to know you have options, even if they probably will never come to fruition!
    And thanks for your comment too! :)
    Doing, not Writing..... Better than being yellow bellied! Twiddly Twiddly Dee - Rockin' Robins! These are precious photos. How do you get so close?

    Thanks for posting them.

    March
    Everything Should Taste Like Bacon...... Easter..... Karen, I'm so very sorry.
    Sometimes, there are no words...
    Enneagram Personality Test Validation St. Patrick's Breastplate Carissa's art! Tyler Lyle gets it right...... Oh My! Oing Oing Oing! "The vitality of thought is in adventure... "You don't know what you've got till it's gone..." mmmmm....they paved paradise and put up a parking lot...

    I feel ya. For me it is a lot easier because I'm not nearly as green/hippie as a lot of people in our community, but then when I'm just one town north of that...well I feel like the grungy country cousin.

    Still...you are doing it for a reason and the more you do it and talk about it and why you are doing it...people will catch on.

    if not, hand them a copy of Barbara Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle.
    Keeping it real - blogs that make me laugh!
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    Velvet Elvis - Rob Bell

    Your God is Too Safe - Mark Buchanan

    Girl Meets God - Lauren Winner

    Finding Faith : A Self-Discovery Guide for Your Spiritual Quest - Brian D. McLaren

    Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality - Donald Miller

    Traveling Mercies : Some Thoughts on Faith - Anne Lamott

    Mere Christianity - C. S. Lewis

    Soul Survivor: How My Faith Survived the Church - Philip Yancey

    A Generous Orthodoxy - Brian D. McLaren

    The Secret Message of Jesus : Uncovering the Truth that Could Change Everything -Brian McLaren

    The Challenge of Jesus: Rediscovering Who Jesus Was and Is - N. T. Wright
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    Grace Like Rain - Todd Agnew

    Lifesong - Casting Crowns

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    Hymns Ancient and Modern - Passion

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    Monday, November 02, 2009
    Isn't it funny how some things just jump out and grab you randomly? How you are struck by words you've heard a thousand times?


    "No use pretending
    You never existed until you saw the light
    yeah
    You're just beginning
    You haven't missed it-it's all ahead of you
    And you know what to do
    You gotta talk to the One who made you
    Talk to the One who understands
    Talk to the One who gave you
    All the light in your eyes
    All the light in your eyes"

    Labels: Light in your eyes, Sheryl Crow

     
    posted by gerbmom at 11:38 AM | Permalink | 0 comments
    Wednesday, October 21, 2009
    Worth a Read...
    Interesting link that was post by Brian McLaren on Facebook:

    http://tinyurl.com/yl6vszf
     
    posted by gerbmom at 8:56 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
    Tuesday, October 20, 2009
    What I think in my head is not always so...

    Don't you hate it when an ugly truth just smacks you in the face?

    For years and years and years I have told myself I am not prejudiced. Not me. I talk fair, I believe fair, I believe in equal rights and opportunity. I believe that all were created by God and all are loved the same. We all have the same worth.

    So, when I realized the other day that I was choosing white over black I was shocked!
    And I started thinking. Given a choice I choose a white clerk over a black one, a white friend over a black one, a white anything over a black one. Not pretty.

    And I started wondering why. Not to excuse, but to understand. I had a teacher in college that taught that prejudice is caused by lack of communication. I would agree, but I would also say it is cause by lack of understanding. I just don't understand the culture; the way of thinking, the things that are important in their lives. It's not for lack of trying - it just is. I have no problem sitting and talking to an African American. I have no problem being fair and kind and helpful. I just don't choose to watch a show about an African American family, or read a book about an African American family, or go to a movie about an African American family - I just don't get it. I don't understand the humor, the nuances, and the thought process. And so I am uncomfortable and just choose to watch or read something else. Again - not pretty.

    Growing up I was raised in an all white town. There were no African Americans in my school. I remember when a black girl moved in on our street - I was the first to befriend her and we did a lot around the neighborhood...until I did something to offend Lydia and she dumped me. Over something I just didn't get. She had something to prove, she felt discrimination, and chose to prove it over something trivial.

    No African Americans in my church. Or my high school. None. And in college, just a handful. I was friends with them, but it was pretty superficial in hindsight. I wasn't their friend to prove anything. I honestly thought I was unprejudiced. In my brain I was. In my thought process I was. When I talked to others, I was. I raised my children to be unprejudiced. But evidently in my heart of hearts I guess I wasn't.

    The other day I was playing some dumb game on face book and you have to add friends. I found myself adding all the white friends and not the African Americans. I didn't even realize I was doing it until it hit me in the face. And then I realized I had seen an ad for a movie that sounded good. But it had an all African American cast. Changed my mind. Kinda like if it had an all male cast and a definite male slant I would also change my mind. Not because I don't like men, but because I don't understand the language, the thought process, the things that make them tick.

    So apparently, I am prejudiced - maybe not in the same way that others are. But prejudiced none-the-less and it is still ugly. I'm not fooling myself. So, the question is: now that I realize it, how do I fix it? It's obviously deeply seated. So deeply seated that I was unaware that it was even there....
     
    posted by gerbmom at 10:25 AM | Permalink | 0 comments
    Friday, October 16, 2009
    If you don't have anything good to say....
    ...say nothing at all.

    Well, I tried that - and you can see the results. No blog posts.

    You know how we all have one of those days? Well, I've pretty much had one of those summers. And it has extended into autumn. Sadly.

    It's not all been bad - there have been incredibly bright spots, like our trip to Boston in June, our trip to Austin and Taos in July, Andrew and Carissa's visit in August, our Via Christus get together when Mike and Julie were up from Austin, and Aaron's visit and the U2 concert at Soldier Field.

    Other than that - dreary weather. Cool summer. Garden did miserably. It rained - a lot. The outside hose reel connector/hose broke flooding an already saturated yard and basement. Extra people living in our house (including a one year old and a three year old from Friday through Sunday). One adult is a very extroverted extrovert that needs to talk incessantly. Carissa left for Italy for a semester.

    Complete chaos has entered my life! No room. No solitude. No where to go to get away. No where to think. Noise. All the time. My safe haven became, and still is to a degree, a stressful place.

    I have felt sad, angry, frustrated, stressed, taken advantage of, not heard, and used. I feel like I am living in a soap opera. Really. One where resolution NEVER comes. We have resolved some issues - but a few remain that are awkward and sensitive. sigh.

    On top of that mess, as if that weren't enough (and I have just posted bare bones) school started, I got sick in September - acute bronchitis with a severe asthma attack resulting in an entire week of work missed - and I've had issues with a tooth. And our loan for Carissa's junior year got messed up and still isn't paid. Oh - and Comcast messed with us for almost 2 weeks - resulting in HOURS spent on the phone and with techs. Four of them on four different days.

    And on top of all that, the sun still refuses to shine!

    See - nothing good to say.

    Great post after months of silence, huh?

    Hopefully things will improve.... We are going to visit Carissa in Italy in November. We are going to Florida for Christmas. The loan got straightened out. As did the cable issue. I am about 80% well. The tooth - well, still being worked on. Still working on the safe haven. And finding quiet and solitude. But it too will come. Along with the sun.

    I hope.

    Labels: personal

     
    posted by gerbmom at 9:54 AM | Permalink | 2 comments
    Tuesday, September 01, 2009
    Doing, not Writing.....
    How is it possible I haven't blogged since JUNE? I guess I have just been busy doing things rather than blogging about them. Or maybe Facebook corrupted my soul! Soundbites and updates are so easy there! Hopefully this fall/winter I can get back into something here. Of course that would mean I have to be able to come up with something worth reading. And that would mean I would have to have a fully engaged, functioning brain that was being stimulated by events and say-it-ain't so moments. sigh.
    Anyway.
    To tide you over - because I'm sure you don't really want to hear about my summer in teeny tiny boring details, I'll post a few of my favorite pix. :)
































     
    posted by gerbmom at 8:50 AM | Permalink | 0 comments
    Tuesday, June 09, 2009
    Better than being yellow bellied!
    Our woodpecker is back! I decided to take a picture of him - well to the best of my ability from inside the house, because as soon as I opened the back door he flew away!  I thought he was a red-headed woodpecker, but he is really a red-bellied woodpecker. Two different woodpeckers!



    apparently he's a thief....


    Yes - this is the guy that wakes my up early in the morning pecking on my house. sigh. So pretty, so annoying!


    Here is a summary from the Audubon Society:
       
    Red-bellied Woodpecker (Melanerpes carolinus )

    Bird Gallery Index

    © Alan Murphy

    Family: (Picidae) Woodpeckers

    Preferred Habitat: Moist woodlands and wooded suburbs.

    Seasonal Occurrence: Common in all seasons.

    Notes: Red-bellied Woodpeckers may be found wherever mature trees are to be found. Their loud churrrr is a familiar sound in our suburbs. Beginning birders are often confused by its name, since the red patch on its lower abdomen is  difficult to see. Others confuse it with the Ladder-backed Woodpecker which is not found in our area. The female resembles the male but has less red on the top of her head. Red-bellies eat acorns, insects, and fruit, and are also known to store food. They willingly come to feeders for sunflower seed or suet. Red-bellies like to mark their territory by noisy drums on trees and are not at all reluctant to use house siding. They rely on tall soft trees such as pines to excavate their nest cavities. Starlings, which often take over their cavities, are a major problem. The Houston Bird Survey has more information and a distribution map.
    - Susan Billetdeaux

     



    Labels: audubon society, birds, red bellied woodpecker

     
    posted by gerbmom at 11:59 AM | Permalink | 0 comments
    Wednesday, May 20, 2009
    Twiddly Twiddly Dee - Rockin' Robins!
    Wow - I haven't blogged for over a month. I never thought I'd see the day! I just haven't felt like I've had anything to say. Of any substance anyway. Life has been very routine and not very noteworthy.

    I don't wanna give the blog up tho, so I guess I'd better get reading, and doing things to give me some fodder for a post or two.....

    12 more days of school. 12. Thank goodness. I'm at the end of my rope sitting in this hot computer lab day in and day out. Summer holds travel plans, fun times with friends and hopefully hammock and a book time. And it can't come soon enough for me.

    If nothing else, hopefully I can put up some pix or something. Oooooh I know! To hold you over I will share my Robin family. (can you tell I am really scraping the bottom of the barrel here?)

    Enjoy!

    a new home

    Mrs. Robin sitting on her eggs.

    the babies have arrived!

    Protecting her babies

    the babies are hungry!

    feeding time!

    siblings

    just hanging out

    mom! mom!

    snuggling

    move over!

    Yesterday, the nest was empty..... I missed the moment they flew for the first time. Hopefully they will have what it needs to survive! I will miss them.

     
    posted by gerbmom at 8:54 AM | Permalink | 1 comments
    Monday, April 13, 2009
    Everything Should Taste Like Bacon......

    I think I need to get me some.... ;)



     
    posted by gerbmom at 1:11 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
    Easter.....
    Easter was kinda hard this year. Actually, Easter is my favorite holiday, but this year is was just sad. Our good friends in Haiti lost their sweet dog, Sejan, this week. That was really, really sad. He was the most loving dog and you always hate to see a dog suffer....I feel terrible for Steve and Joline. Then on Saturday afternoon a friend of ours from Via Christus (which is now scattered to the winds) was killed in a plane crash.

    When something like this happens you just want to gather and grieve with family and friends. And with our Via Christus family all over the United States it was that much more terrible. We will miss Randy - but you know, he went out in a blaze of glory, doing what he loved.

    Easter services were hard. All cheerful and celebratory. Oddly it seemed like a well meaning "friend" letting platitudes and rote Christian phrases roll of their tongue. Really. I just wanted to sit and mourn. And think. Not be roused from my remembering with well meaning, but poorly thought out advice and clichés. sigh.

    Anyway, if you think of it please pray for Randy's family - his wife and two grown sons especially.
    I'm thankful for the time I had with Randy. I will miss him.

    I miss my church.

    Labels: Easter, Randy Hougham, Via Christus

     
    posted by gerbmom at 10:58 AM | Permalink | 1 comments
    Thursday, April 09, 2009
    Enneagram Personality Test
    Image Icon results:

    Main Type
    Overall Self
    Take Free Enneagram Personality Test


    Scale (|||||||%) results:

    Enneagram Test Results
    Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||| 62%
    Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||||||| 74%
    Type 3 Image Focus |||||||||||| 46%
    Type 4 Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||| 74%
    Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||||| 70%
    Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||||||| 66%
    Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||| 42%
    Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||| 26%
    Type 9 Calmness |||||||||| 38%
    Your main type is 4
    Your variant is self pres
    Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

    Labels: Enneagram Personality Test

     
    posted by gerbmom at 2:50 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
    Thursday, March 26, 2009
    Validation
    This is great......


    Labels: Validation

     
    posted by gerbmom at 8:41 AM | Permalink | 0 comments
    Tuesday, March 17, 2009
    St. Patrick's Breastplate

    I bind unto myself today
    The strong Name of the Trinity,
    By invocation of the same
    The Three in One and One in Three.

    I bind this today to me forever
    By power of faith, Christ's incarnation;
    His baptism in Jordan river,
    His death on Cross for my salvation;
    His bursting from the spicèd tomb,
    His riding up the heavenly way,
    His coming at the day of doom
    I bind unto myself today.

    I bind unto myself the power
    Of the great love of cherubim;
    The sweet 'Well done' in judgment hour,
    The service of the seraphim,
    Confessors' faith, Apostles' word,
    The Patriarchs' prayers, the prophets' scrolls,
    All good deeds done unto the Lord
    And purity of virgin souls.

    I bind unto myself today
    The virtues of the star lit heaven,
    The glorious sun's life giving ray,
    The whiteness of the moon at even,
    The flashing of the lightning free,
    The whirling wind's tempestuous shocks,
    The stable earth, the deep salt sea
    Around the old eternal rocks.

    I bind unto myself today
    The power of God to hold and lead,
    His eye to watch, His might to stay,
    His ear to hearken to my need.
    The wisdom of my God to teach,
    His hand to guide, His shield to ward;
    The word of God to give me speech,
    His heavenly host to be my guard.

    Against the demon snares of sin,
    The vice that gives temptation force,
    The natural lusts that war within,
    The hostile men that mar my course;
    Or few or many, far or nigh,
    In every place and in all hours,
    Against their fierce hostility
    I bind to me these holy powers.

    Against all Satan's spells and whiles,
    Against false words of heresy,
    Against the knowledge that defiles,
    Against the heart's idolatry,
    Against the wizard's evil craft,
    Against the death wound and the burning,
    The choking wave, the poisoned shaft,
    Protect me, Christ, till Thy returning.

    Christ be with me, Christ within me,
    Christ behind me, Christ before me,
    Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
    Christ to comfort and restore me.
    Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
    Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
    Christ in hearts of all that love me,
    Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

    I bind unto myself the Name,
    The strong Name of the Trinity,
    By invocation of the same,
    The Three in One and One in Three.
    By Whom all nature hath creation,
    Eternal Father, Spirit, Word:
    Praise to the Lord of my salvation,
    Salvation is of Christ the Lord.

    Amen

    Labels: prayer, St Patrick

     
    posted by gerbmom at 10:29 AM | Permalink | 0 comments
    Tuesday, March 10, 2009
    Carissa's art!

    click to enlarge.

    she explains it here.



     
    posted by gerbmom at 6:07 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
    Monday, March 09, 2009
    Tyler Lyle gets it right......
    Jen brought this song along with her when she came back from Texas. It's a great song! Check out the words - and you can find the song here at itunes if you would like to own it!!

    jesus loves lesbians
    and terrorists
    and pat robertson
    jesus loves soccer moms
    and immigrants
    and hillary clinton

    and if you don't love them too
    then the love of God is not in you

    jesus loves the homeless man
    and he loves the fire and brimstone preachers that will never understand
    jesus loves the liar, the cynic, the doubter, the hypocrite
    and jesus loves me too

    and if you don't love them too
    then the love of God is not in you

    jesus loves lesbians
    and athiests
    and republicans
    jesus loves everyone
    even southern baptists
    even jesse jackson

    and if you don't love them too
    then the love of God is not in you

    Labels: Lesbians, quotes, Tyler Lyle

     
    posted by gerbmom at 4:50 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
    Friday, March 06, 2009
    "It would be nice and fairly nearly true to say that 'from that time forth Eustace was a different boy.' To be strictly accurate, he began to be a different boy. He had relapses. There were still many days when he could be very tiresome. But most of those I shall not notice. The cure had begun."

    C.S.Lewis

    Labels: C.S. Lewis, quotes, Voyage of the Dawn Treader

     
    posted by gerbmom at 9:15 AM | Permalink | 0 comments
    Oh My! Oing Oing Oing!
    Fat Little Friar Tuck Bar Tender Angels???
    Possessed by JOY?
    Give Johnny His....
    Absolutely wacked, sloshed slippity slapped!
    bilocate, levitate - TWO JOHNNY's!!
    get wacked, stay wacked, never go back! The secret of success!!


     
    posted by gerbmom at 8:46 AM | Permalink | 0 comments
    Wednesday, March 04, 2009
    Magnificent!

    I was born
    I was born to sing for you
    I didn’t have a choice but to lift you up
    And sing whatever song you wanted me to
    I give you back my voice
    From the womb my first cry, it was a joyful noise…

    U2
     
    posted by gerbmom at 9:24 AM | Permalink | 0 comments
    Tuesday, March 03, 2009
    Where I came from there were no hills at all
    The land was flat, the highways straight and wide
    My brother and I would drive for hours
    Like years instead of days
    Our faces as pale as the dirty snow

    Once I knew there was a love divine
    Then came a time I thought it knew me not
    Who can forgive forgiveness where forgiveness is not
    Only the lamb as white as snow

    And the water, it was icy
    As it washed over me
    And the moon shone above me

    Now this dry ground it bears no fruit at all
    Only poppies laugh under the crescent moon
    The road refuses strangers
    The land the seeds we sow
    Where might we find the lamb as white as snow

    As boys we would go hunting in the woods
    To sleep the night shooting out the stars
    Now the wolves are every passing stranger
    Every face we cannot know
    If only a heart could be as white as snow
    If only a heart could be as white as snow

    U2

     
    posted by gerbmom at 4:55 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
    "The vitality of thought is in adventure...
    ...Ideas won't keep. Something must be done about them. "
    Alfred North Whitehead


    Did you ever have that moment when you had an epiphany, or a thought -maybe you saw something you had read a hundred times before in a new and different way? And you just had to write down before you forgot it? I probably have this problem more than most with my ADD mind. Sometimes in life there are times when there are none of those moments. Moments when synapses stop firing because I am too tired to engage my mind. Or times when I close the door on the thoughts - if I can. The moments I won't read because I know I will start the hamster wheel turning. And there are times, when I haven't given any grist for the mill. I have become routine, ho hum. Just going through the motions, thinking the same old thoughts - nothing new to say. And that totally frustrates me, and I wonder what is wrong with me... So, today, out of the blue, when I was doing my afternoon prayers a thought hit me. Kablooey, right between the eyes. And I didn't have a single thing to write on. For a person like me, that is a disaster. People who know me, know I carry paper with me to catch those fleeting thoughts for further consideration. So I'm scrambling for paper. Digging in my bag furiously, knowing full well I have a notebook in there. Somewhere. Quickly, before the thought leaves my head. Scrabble, scrabble. Throwing things around in my quest. Ha Ha. It felt kinda good. Realizing that the wheels are starting to turn again, rusty and as out of practice as they may be. Stone on stone - ready for something new to grind. Not fodder - that is just given to me. I want to forage and feed the mill. I'm ready for something new.

    And today, I had a simple and very striking thought. Huh. In those same old words I've read a hundred times before.

    Off I go to ponder.

    "I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones."
    John Cage

    Labels: ponderings, quotes

     
    posted by gerbmom at 12:51 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
    Sunday, March 01, 2009
    "You don't know what you've got till it's gone..."
    As I was going about getting the stuff done I needed to do this weekend, I realized something. One of my major sources of frustration. I feel like a oddity by trying to be green - or at least greener. That doesn't make me weird! I started thinking about the ways I feel different....especially in the affluent area I live in. A lot of these things in and of themselves aren't even rare - or odd. A lot are even kind of trendy right now. But taken together? Once upon a time I had a group of friends that got this. Life has a way of mixing things up though, and after most of the group moved out of the area I started to feel like a fish out of water.

    Yes, I eat sushi. And hummus. And greens. And black beans and rice. So? I listen to folk music, I like chants and Celtic music too. I try to watch the gas I use and carpool when I can. I like to read non-fiction, theology, things that make me think. I try to be as earth friendly as I can in my yard and in my garden. I’m thinking about joining an organic, local food co-op. I try to use green products when I clean my house. I have a front loader washing machine. I don’t run the AC unless it’s over 90 degrees. I keep the thermostat set at 68 during the day in the winter and 58 at night. I use compact fluorescent light bulbs. I buy used books if I can. I have a library card. I recycle. I try to be frugal and healthy in what my family eats – and as conscious of food ethics as I know to be, and as budget will allow. I think if I had kids today I would breast feed and use cloth diapers…. I like Whole Foods and Trader Joes. And small coffee shops and mom and pop stores. I like farmer's markets. I wear things until they wear out. I drive my car until it won’t run. I love my Birkenstocks. I love garage sales and resale shops. I like small organic gatherings, especially in the Christian community. I think we should be the church instead of going to church.

    Unfortunately – I don’t have these things in common with many of my friends. I feel like a oddball in a world of excess…. Sadly, even in the Christian community these things are odd and prompt funny looks. At least in the area where I live. I'm tired of the rat race of materialism - just to say we have the latest, greatest, and best. Even at church. I'm tired of being looked at askance because I'm not keeping up with the Joneses. I miss my friends that think this way too. My church that understood this. It’s hard to be different – but this stuff is really a part of me and who I am. It’s part of being responsible and caring for the earth and each other. I’m frustrated that there is no one to talk to about the things that matter to me.

    I remember my trip to Haiti last summer. How the people there have nothing. Not even a roof over their heads in a lot of cases. They walk, barefoot, to get clean water. They wear remade clothing. They don't have movies, or cars, or tv or an unlimited variety of food - they often don't even have food. And yet they seem to be able to find happiness in this life.

    I live in a country of great excess. I don't understand how people don't get this. How they keep living just the way they always have, oblivious to the plight of the earth and her people. When I run the water in my kitchen now I think of what water means in Haiti. We need to quit abusing our resources and learn to share the abundance that we have. Not only in a literal way, but also by gently caring for the earth and allowing her good to be shared by all as well as preserving resources for future generations.

    I am not a tree hugger. I try to be fair in my views of ecology, the environment, and what we as humans truly need. Balanced. I would not sit in a tree to preserve an owl. But I would try to educate people on the plight of the owls.... I will continue to learn about where my clothing comes from, where my chocolate, and coffee come from, and at what price. And I will tell others.

    Just stop looking at me like I have two heads.

    I miss my friends......

    Labels: ecology, friends, green living

     
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