Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Thoughts for a warm winters day....

And so the days keep rolling on - Christmas is one day closer, and I am one day farther behind. Well, not on the important things - the gifts are purchased. Just not wrapped. I am a practical person. Sometimes I just don't see the sense of wrapping gifts on Christmas Eve just so they can be torn apart the next morning. What's wrong with an Amazon box under the tree? Yet, I do love beauty, and tradition and usually paper and bows. How can one little ole person have so much tension within themselves? And then I think - is it practicality or laziness? Like, I love Christmas cookies, but I don't get a lot of joy outta making them. Just a mess and a lot of work. This year was an exception cuz Dana came over and it was a social activity and we had a blast. I like Christmas decorations, but darn it, they really start to bug me by December 26th. And then I obsess about having to get them down, and put away. It would be so much easier if I never put 'em up to start with. Bah. It can't all be the laziness factor tho - cuz I like snow. NEW snow. Peaceful, silent, blanketing snow. I hate dirty, slushy, day old Chicago snow. I like winter for one month. One. December. Then I am ready for spring. I love music, but after a week of Christmas songs on the radio I'm ready for silence. I like getting together with friends, but the Holiday season is over kill. I do not want to go to one more party, or concert, or event. Don't ask me how my Christmas shopping is going, or if I am ready for Christmas - do you really care? Or do you just want me to listen to your tales of woe? I want slippers and jammies and hot cocoa with a blankie and a book on my couch. A good friend to talk to. A good movie on TV.
I guess I like the season, and the traditions. I like what I like. But I don't like the expectations, the obligations, the dream of picture perfection. It's tiring, and disappointing and stressful. I want to be joyful, and give from my heart. I want to enjoy things just because. I want the deeper meaning of the season to resonate deep within, to simmer, and get better as the days pass. I want to share joy with another that doesn't feel obligated to give back. I have a friend that my family wanted to give a gift to. But in conversation with her, I found this would make her feel bad. She couldn't find the joy in just receiving a gift of our love without feeling obligated to give us something in return. It made her feel stingy, and ungrateful, like she didn't love us or something. That wasn't the point. I wanted to give to her. But we respected her feelings and decided to not give the gift. Christmas is complicated. The rules are precise. Angst and hurt seem to find a home in these days of celebration. All over the world people are returning to homes and family only to find nothing is the same, and all the pictures they had in their head of Christmas are just a wish. A myth. (I miss you Jen....)
Somewhere along the way Christmas has gone wrong. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. But I don't think so. I don't know how to fix it, so I muddle along with the crowds. But somewhere out there, that Eastern star is shining brightly- just waiting for us to follow and find the love and joy that we have so cavalierly replaced with busyness and things.

Hail, hail to the newborn King
Let our voices sing Him our praises
Hail, hail to the guiding Light
That brought us tonight to our Savior

Halle, hallelujah
Halle, hallelujah
Halle, hallelujah
Halle, hallelujah

Come now, let it shine so bright
To the knowing Light of the stable
Kneel close to the Child so dear
Cast aside your fear and be thankful

Hail, hail to the newborn King
Let our voices sing Him our praises
Hail, hail to the guiding Light
That brought us tonight to our Savior

Halle, hallelujah
Halle, hallelujah
Halle, hallelujah
Halle, hallelujah

Hail, hail to the newborn King
Let our voices sing Him our praises
Hail, hail to the guiding Light
That brought us tonight to our Savior

Halle, hallelujah
Halle, hallelujah
Halle, hallelujah
Halle, hallelujah

"Light of the Stable"

4 comments:

Jen said...

yea! I get to be the first to leave you a comment on this one. Thanks for the love in the blog. I never wrap Christmas gifts. I put them in like 3 plastic grocery sacks and a paper sack. So there is joy for the unwrapper (because there are so many darn layers) and I don't have to go through the trouple and expense of real wrapping. Are you guys getting any snow any time soon? All we can get is rain at night and ice in the morning. So that's better then 90 degrees in December.
-p

A said...

There is actually a part of me that misses Christmas night trading years going to your house or you coming to ours and "showing off" the loot and eating leftovers. Seemed cheesy at the time when we were awkward kids, but those are some great memories. We probably would have been better off with a little alcohol to liven things up from year to year, but all in all, I'd take an evening like that in a heartbeat.

gerbmom said...

Yeah A,
Those were special times. Seems so very long ago. Remember how bored we used to get when the parents droned on and on? At least the food was good. :) But NO alcohol...
Hey - I remember my mom telling me that she remembered a time when grandpa used to come home hot and sweaty after a hard days work back in WVa and have a beer. Hmmmm. Conversion happened. LOL.
Anyway, Maybe I'll have to drag out the old photo albums and find pix of Christmas past!

Hope you guys have a great Christmas.

A said...

Holy Mackerel! You've got to be kidding. Either mi padre doesn't know this, or has conveniently never mentioned it.

I can boldly say that I take after Grandpa M in one regard, and it doesn't have to be hot, either!