Monday, November 14, 2005

Holding back the sea

I went to the city with my friend Saturday. I just needed to be somewhere where things were bigger than me and my problems. Where energy pulsed around me and I could plug in to the vibrancy. I didn't care if it was day or night, sunny or rainy - or even where we went. I just needed to feel I was part of something bigger. I know I wasn't being still and listening. That's probably what I should have been doing. But instead I ran the other way. I circumvented what in the long run would have helped the most because I wanted instant gratification. I wanted to feel better quickly, never mind that it wouldn't last more than a day and I would need another fix. It was like plugging the hole in the dike with my finger. I held the flood at bay by filling the hole in me with movement, excitement, energy, passion, delight, exuberance, joie de vivre. It worked. I felt good from head to toe. Until my finger couldn't stem the flow any longer and it burst through the dam as it was bound to do because of the way I tried to make things better. I need to quit running and listen. Even if it takes time to hear that still small voice again. Even if I don't like what I hear. I need to fix it the way God intends. I need to fill the hole with his finger - not mine.

EDIT:
Twyla reminded me of this song....Petula Clark's great escape to the city.... Yep, that was me all right! Check it out.....
Downtown

8 comments:

Christine said...

Between your post, and David's comments on my blog, I'm amazed at God's timing. ~ I was planning on talking about my distractions and their place in my life.
So, see? I'm right with you on this one!

gerbmom said...

Wow! Guess I'll hop right over and see what you have to say! :) It's good to know somebody gets what I'm saying.....

Twyla said...

Reading this made that old song pop into my head...down town.

Guess I need to catch up on your past posts to get a grip on what ails ya.

Peace to you in the process.

gerbmom said...

Gosh Twyla ~
Petula Clark? Only we would remember that! The rest of these blog-friends are relative babies! Oh yeah girl - now I got it stuck in my head...:)"Forget all our troubles, forget all our cares....."

Twyla said...

oops. sorry. atleast it wasn't "don't worry, be happy". now, that would be annoying.

Christine said...

that song gets me in big trouble everytime it's on at the grocery store- the urge to lip-sync and vamp along in the empty aisles is toooooo great to resist~

Kelly said...

Oh great, now you have ME singing it, and after I'd been humming One Hand in my Pocket forever. Maybe that's a good thing, now that I think about it. I'm glad you had fun, Karen, and enjoyed a bigger perspective. It does help to get out. xo

anne said...

Hey, I'm not one of those relative babies.

"When you've got worries, all the noise and the hurries seem to help I know......DOWNTOWN...."

Oh great. I'll be humming this all night, Karen. But I'm glad you had a Great, albeit brief, Escape.