held hostage aka perception vs. reality

I went to a play with my friend tonight. It never ceases to amaze me, that no matter where I go I seem to find something to take away with me to think about. Tonight was no different. In fact, tonight’s offering was quite profound. At least to me…”the gate to my prison had never been locked.” Interesting in light of the journey I have been on for the last year. And in light of where I still am. It amazes me that I continue to stay in a prison of my own making when it comes to my faith, my beliefs, my convictions. Sure, I have spent the last year asking really hard questions, and examining many issues that in the past I would never have dared to explore. And, in truth, I did find I had been in a prison of my own, or maybe my church’s making. And though it was painful to begin to make changes in my beliefs, I did indeed find the gate open if I was willing to give it a little push. Oh the freedom of asking questions, and allowing myself to wonder! How exponentially bigger God has gotten! How much richer my life has become! And yet, there are still some parts of me that remain very much locked up. I don’t even try the gate, because I am afraid. I want the courage to take the steps I need to take. I want the confidence to boldly march up and rattle the bars. I want to break out and run, and never look back, giddy with freedom and intoxicated with possibilities. And ultimately I want to get closer to and become more like the one who unlocked those gates before I even realized I was held captive. He has a part for me to play in his story, a place to fill in his plan. Until I open those gates I cannot be all that he has planned for me to be.