Monday, April 02, 2007

Spin Cycle

I am still spinning thoughts in my head about worship. And about hospitality. About love. Acceptance. Grace for the journey. About my beliefs and how to share them. I'm still struggling with some disillusionment, some disappointment. So many thoughts. So many big concepts that I can't get a handle on. I'm frustrated by things that centered me in the past not being available in the present. I'm frustrated by not being able to adequately and intelligently express how I feel, what I believe, and why my journey has taken me where it has.
Life isn't bad - just complicated right now. The hamster is back on the wheel. Running so fast that I can't begin to sort out the tangled mess of the many threads I need to pursue.

Break was good. Florida was warm, and sunny. Relaxing. But when you visit people, you just can't find the time you need to deal with your brain confusion.

I'm caving. Being alone. Seeing if that helps. Pulling back from activities that aren't critical. I just desperately need to find some me time. Some God time. Some down time. Time to recharge the battery of my life. So, if I seem antisocial - it's not you. And I'm not in a terrible place. Just a thinking place. A working it out place.

Now, if there was just an ocean and a beach in Illinois......

2 comments:

Christine of Epiphany said...

It's a good thing~

peaceful waters, friend~

Meg said...

I hear you sister. My husband is at work until about 8:30pm every night this week and I am so excited about having three hours to sit and just think through my life right now.

Traveling certainly takes you away from even just thinking about your thoughts at the moment.

How do you think you are going to learn how to articulate your thoughts and feelings more effectively? I've started reading a book called how to read the bible for all its worth. Not sure if it will help, but I have to start somewhere.

I've struggled today and more recently with living in the now! I can't seem to escape who I'm not, and what I need to look like.

I heard a sermon today from rob bell's church, its the Feb 25th sermon...it was great addressing issues of your false self and knowing that God accepts you for who you are right now.

Then I read a post on the emerging website that addressed these issues, it was by Irim..it was fantastic.

Then I come to your blog...and bam..the same stuff

Glad to know we are all in this together. Thanks for posting....