OK – it's done. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Especially since we had a really good practice tonight – everything just went right and sounded awesome. But I knew in my heart that I had to do it. I had to be true to my decision and follow through with it. And so I told our music director that I would be leaving. I was a bit of a chicken and used the fact that I am helping with a church plant to ease the way. But we did have an opportunity to talk about a couple things – and not at all in a negative way. I was very careful. I don't want to leave with hard feelings on my or anyone's part. I am doing what I am doing because it's what God wants me to do right now. And that's all that gave me the courage to tell her, and give up the music ministry I am involved in that I love so very much.
So. I'm still upset about it. And I know people are talking about it. I know they are - the Choir director said as much when I talked to her tonight. And I have to finish out my obligations - because that is the way I am. So April 30 is THE END. And the next 6 weeks will be torture. The questions are already starting....
Now my 16 year old has no patience for this. She said I don't need to take their attitude. I don't owe them a detailed explanation. I need to smile and say I have a close friend that is starting a church, and he needs our support. And we have decided as a family to do this. We have thought hard about it, and prayed about it and feel this is God leading. And leave it at that. Smart girl. Where'd she come from?
And the kind of questions?
Are you unhappy here? What is going on with you? Is it a GARB church? This area has so many churches we don't need another - why are you doing this?
As well as all the comments designed to make me feel guilty - like I almost quit two weeks ago - but I didn't. We need you here. What about the womens ensemble and worship team?
After I told the music director last night I suddenly felt very unwelcome where I was. No longer part of the "in" group. I left the church feeling very alone. The door closing behind me seemed so final. I got in my car and cried.