Monday, October 03, 2005

Unconditional support of a recommendation by your pastor or deacon board.

While I see some validity to this, I think this is what is getting a lot of churches in so much trouble. The danger is after while pastors and deacons start to think they are God, and the rest of us begin to believe we are bad Christians for bucking the system. We don't have faith. We don't trust the leaders God has given us. I am so trying to break this cycle, at least in my life. In love, with respect, but with intelligence and reasoning. I don't like being perceived as a trouble maker, or not being on board, or not trusting our leadership. I don't want to always be swimming upstream. But I have finally found my voice, and I need to use it. It's hard, and scary. Just being brave enough to say something that I know is going to get me in trouble, or at the very least is going to make people wonder about me is a whole new thing for me. Suddenly in the eyes of my pastor and church members I'm not playing like a good Christian.... I obviously don't understand how it's done. The thing is, I think I am a pretty fair person. Pretty rational. Pretty willing to listen and consider all the opinions. To hear others out, and see where they are coming from. I'm usually pretty agreeable. I think I'm usually pretty objective. So when I disagree, and get labeled as not being a team player, or get labeled as the one who disagrees, the negative one, the one who is hard to get along with, the critical one, it hurts. And my confidence takes a huge hit. Just another facet of the new me that I am uncomfortable with, but I'm finding I can't be silent. Even when I don't want to speak, I find my hand in the air with an opinion. Is there anything about this new way of thinking/living, this new person I am now, that I will ever find easy or comfortable, or at the very least get used to?

2 comments:

Christine said...

I tagged you on my blog, Karen~

Lorna said...

This is my first time in your site, (I followed the idiocyncracies trail) so I'm commenting here without having read any of your posts except this (which is always dangerous)

I want to commend you for what seems to me like your bravery. We do need to speak out in churches (sometimes) and there are times we need to keep silent too. And it's not easy.

I'm praying for wisdom for you. The wisdom you only get from God. And the Scripture Josh 1:9 which encourages us to be bold and courageous and take the land that God has prepared for us.

be blessed as you struggle to find the path God has for you. It won't be easy but it will be wonderful.