Saturday, September 10, 2005

Emma's lesson....

So, today I was at Mike and Julie's helping paint their new house so they can move in next week. During one part of the day I was trying to calm Emma down. Poor baby - it was a rough day for her - unfamiliar surroundings, off schedule, over stimulated, and afraid to miss anything that might be happening - even for one little minute. Beyond tired and totally exhausted, she refused at times to be comforted, fighting sleep and refusing to give in to people who loved her, knew she needed her rest, and only wanted the best for her. As I stood rocking her, holding her close in my arms it hit me - I am so like a baby right now. I'm like Emma, I'm unfamiliar in my surroundings, my life is off kilter, I am over stimulated, and overwhelmed in my questioning and reading, yet I can't stop because I'm afraid I might miss something important. Something I need to know, something that is happening that I need to be a part of. And in my life I am totally exhausted, worn down, overwhelmed and frustrated. Yet I refuse to accept the solace, the comfort, the rest that my Heavenly Father, who loves me so much, who knows what is best for me, who wants me to rest in him, is offering. He is holding me in His arms and I am kicking and screaming and fighting those loving arms, trying to do it on my own. Not accepting His direction although He obviously knows what I need, what is best for me right now. And I am exhausting myself in my struggle, but I refuse to give in. How stubborn am I?
And the parallal between me and Emma is convicting to say the least. Now the question is, what am I going to do about it?

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