Friday, May 13, 2005

on the edge

I'm trying to get a handle on my feelings. Why I am so dejected off and on. Up and down, good days and bad weeks. I think it may just be the nature of what is happening to me right now spiritually. Taking all I know and pretty much deconstructing it. It's like dumping out a life and starting over, of course you are bound to feel hollow. It's an awful feeling to tell the truth. Some days are good. I make a connection, I began to find something that makes sense, rings true. I feel those glimmers of hope and excitement. But I still have so far to go, so much emptiness to deal with. To fill. To fix. In some ways my walk with God is so much more awesome, so inspiring, so new and intriguing. In others ways it's scary and lonely - most often just on the edge with an awful lot of loose gravel beneath my feet. I just threw out all my safety nets, everything that made me feel secure. And I can't go back the way I came. And to go on......

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