Friday, August 22, 2008

Pondering exclusion...deliberate or otherwise

I was reading in a book tonight about a girl out having fun with her hubby and a couple other friends. As they were talking it was casually mentioned that several other girls with whom she socialized were having an evening out. Immediately she felt hurt. Now, it wasn't that she even wanted to be with them. She didn't even like most of them. She was truly happier and having more fun where she was. So, why did it bother her?

We have all been there. Acquaintances do something fun, invite one or more of your friends, the people you hang with, but not you. You don't get along with, or even really like the person organizing the event. You are much happier at home with a book. Until you know you weren't invited. Suddenly you care! You don't care that they don't like you, and you don't like them, but you care that they had the audacity not to invite you. You get a bit indignant in addition to feeling hurt. You want to know why they excluded you, when in reality it wasn't deliberate exclusion - it's just that the thought probably never crossed their mind to invite you. You still want to be invited. Why? So others won't think you weren't worthy of an invite? So you can be frustrated and annoyed all evening? Are you jealous that your friends like this person and socialize with them? Or that this person likes your friends and not you? Is it that it's a very obvious rebuff? (even if chances are it isn't.....) Is it that you want to be the one to have the option of opting out? Of declining the invitation? Of turning THEM down? Is it really about power and control??

WHO CARES! You don't like them anyway. Get over it. You know you do not enjoy hanging with this person and dealing with their quirks and control issues. They drive you crazy.

I just don't get it. Why do we do this, feel this, get hurt by this? The human psyche is a funny thing. I don't have any answers. This isn't even occurring in my life right now. It's just that in reading this account the book triggered the feelings and the resentment inherent to the situation.


OK - that's what I'm pondering tonight.....

1 comment:

doubtisgood said...

It is an odd thing isn't it--thankfully it seems easier to talk oneself out of the silliness of it as we age (maturing has its perks).