Tuesday, February 28, 2006


I have nothing wise to say today. Nothing remotely interesting. I'm kinda in a down mood, a little emotional, a little sad, even a little anxious. That hasn't happened in a while, but I think lots of things are conspiring against me this week.
Tomorrow I leave for Florida. Now, before you think that is just what I need, consider this. I am going as a chaperone with the high school band, orchestra and choir. Need I say more? Actually tho, they are really good kids, really good. But four buses and a 24 hour trip down, and another back - could be a bit much!
Planning to take books - I just have to figure out which ones I want to jump into - my iPod with music and Rob Bell sermons, and my pillow. 24 hours on the bus could be good for me I guess - nothing to do but sit. Sleep. Read. Oh, wait, on the other hand, my brain could also engage in some things I really don't need to dwell on. But then, I've got a bunch of teens to drag me into reality, eh?
We are headed for WDW and Magic Music Days. 4 days in the park - any park cuz we have hopper passes. The band is marching in the parade in the Magic Kingdom and the orchestra and choir are doing concerts in the Magic Kingdom. Beyond that it's free time and fun and sun.
So, I'm seriously hoping this will be a good thing. Relaxing and rejuvenating, and not exhausting and draining. It could go either way. Just getting away from here though, I hope, will be a kick start towards healing.
So, I'm off.
I'll let you know how it went when I get back.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Church was FUN

So, this weekend we tried something new. We went to church at Via Christus Community Church - Mike and Julie Clawsons new church plant. It was great. Really. I felt so welcomed and accepted there. So did my husband and my girls. It was fun, encouraging, edifying and God centered. There were enough people to break into three small groups for discussion, and it was not intimidating at all - for any of us tho we all ended up in different groups. Carissa was the youngest present - well except for the little kids - and she still felt comfortable enough to share during "God Things". And she did a fine job. And Kim felt comfortble enough to share too. I just thought that was so cool. It's so strange to be a part of something so accepting and caring. No expectations, or judgements. Just welcome, come join us, we're glad to have you. It was just so, so refreshing. And I can't tell you how healing it was for my soul. I almost can't wait for the next meeting. When was the last time I said that about church?
I don't know - it was so exciting that I had to call Dana and ask her to please meet me for coffee today so I could tell her all about it. I just had to tell someone! That's how excited I felt.
So, yeah, it was a good weekend. And any of you in the Chicago area reading this, please come out and visit Via Christus!

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Rang De Basanti (2006)

If you get a chance, and can find it, you should see this movie. A couple theaters are showing it around here, and it was great. If you can't do subtitles tho, don't go. If you don't mind, it's definitely worth it.


this one is a bit of a spoiler so be careful!

and we think they're not watching?

I run the computer lab in our elementary school. I have the privilege of working with several Christian teachers. It is interesting, in that the younger kids (well, they are to me....) are very vocal about their beliefs. Maybe I am just a coward, not an in your face person, but I'd rather live what I believe. Make people want to know Jesus. Today I had a teacher make an interesting comment. She is in the computer lab from 10:30 10:45. At which time another teacher comes in. The last couple times this teacher was a few minutes late leaving and the next teacher to come in was rude to her. The last time she made a non-verbal jab at her by walking into the room, around the mounted TV to look very pointedly at the clock. The first teacher was offended. She would have rather the second teacher had just spoken to her. After two or three weeks of this quiet but obvious annoyance on the second teachers part, the first teacher made this comment after expressing her frustration to me. "And, she's a Christian."
I don't know. It just made me sad. And so very aware that we are always being observed. And people expect more of us - at least as far as attitude and kindness. Maybe that's not fair, but that's the way it is.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Flights of Fancy

It was a strange night. Dreams that tumbled and rolled all night. Could be all the caffeine I had at midnight and the fact that I didn't get to bed till 2:00 a.m.....
Whatever the reason, I woke suddenly at 6:00 a.m. with this fully developed thought pulsing in my brain. No matter what I did I could not go back to sleep until I wrote it down. Yep, at 6:00 am. Scribbles on a tattered piece of paper with a leaky pen. And then, I laid down and fell back asleep until noon....
So I decided, why waste the effort solely on a tattered paper that will never see the light of day? I'd share it with you my blog friends and honest critics.....
Enjoy, or not. As you wish. But at least the exorcism allowed me several more much needed hours of blissful slumber! :)
Happy Saturday!

Playground of my Mind

Flights of fancy wend their way
Unbidden through a tortured mind
Convoluted subjects they
Dreams and life attempt to bind.

Be off! Be done! Intrude no more
upon this peaceful, healing sleep
the sentry at the gates let in
things that startle, panic, weep.

And yet, the very things I dream
Are those that resolution need
Things that in the daytime hours
Are much ignored and pushed with speed

Backwards in a conscious mind.
Now spinning disconnectedly
Seed carried by a frantic wind
Fertile soil soon will find.

Pinwheels in a frozen mind
Whirling madly, reserve freed
Enticed by thoughts on whimsied flights
Portals closed by logic’s greed.

Outer world and inner self
Subconsciously attempt to bind
Unifying into one
Seductions of the conscious mind.

Sleep denied and travel done
Conscious thought springs full awake
And in the early morning light
Anxious resolutions make.

Friday, February 17, 2006

It was a Dark and Stormy Night

Carissa's play opened last night. And I found out just how hard it is to be a mom when your child is female lead. It was hard to relax and watch the show because I was just so afraid for her. Afraid she'd forget a line, make a mistake, panic ~ all of the above, and I wouldn't be able to help her, and she'd have a meltdown on the stage. Which, my friends, she would be totally capable of doing, being the drama queen she is! I shouldn't have worried. She did a wonderful job. Made me laugh. The play was kind of off the wall, but cute and entertaining. Filled with subtle humor, but people either didn't get it, or were afraid they'd miss something if they laughed. I'm going again tomorrow, and dang it, I'm gonna laugh! Out loud!
Hope everyone is having a great Friday! :)

Thursday, February 16, 2006


Psalm 145 ~ A praise psalm by David.

145:1 I will exalt you, my God, the King.
I will praise your name forever and ever.
145:2 Every day I will praise you.
I will extol your name forever and ever.
145:3 Great is Yahweh, and greatly to be praised!
His greatness is unsearchable.
145:4 One generation will commend your works to another,
and will declare your mighty acts.
145:5 Of the glorious majesty of your honor,
of your wondrous works, I will meditate.
145:6 Men will speak of the might of your awesome acts.
I will declare your greatness.
145:7 They will utter the memory of your great goodness,
and will sing of your righteousness.
145:8 Yahweh is gracious, merciful,
slow to anger, and of great loving kindness.
145:9 Yahweh is good to all.
His tender mercies are over all his works.
145:10 All your works will give thanks to you, Yahweh.
Your saints will extol you.
145:11 They will speak of the glory of your kingdom,
and talk about your power;
145:12 to make known to the sons of men his mighty acts,
the glory of the majesty of his kingdom.
145:13 Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom.
Your dominion endures throughout all generations.
Yahweh is faithful in all his words,
and loving in all his deeds.
145:14 Yahweh upholds all who fall,
and raises up all those who are bowed down.
145:15 The eyes of all wait for you.
You give them their food in due season.
145:16 You open your hand,
and satisfy the desire of every living thing.
145:17 Yahweh is righteous in all his ways,
and gracious in all his works.
145:18 Yahweh is near to all those who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
145:19 He will fulfill the desire of those who fear him.
He also will hear their cry, and will save them.
145:20 Yahweh preserves all those who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy.
145:21 My mouth will speak the praise of Yahweh.
Let all flesh bless his holy name forever and ever.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I am in a much better place than I was last week at this time. It's rainy and dreary outside, yet inside I am calm, and joyful, and relaxed. Grateful for the mercy of God. I pray I will not forget this a week from now, a month from now, a year from now, but hold on to this as a reminder of his Goodness. It will be my pile of stones, my marker, my alter for this leg of my journey. So I can look, and see, and not forget the grace and goodness of the Lord. At the same time, I need to move on, get on with things that seemed so major before, but are mere bumps in the road now. Perspective. Amazing what a true trial can do to help us understand what is and isn't important! And too, I hope I can take this experience and use it to benefit of others - those in the same situation, and even those who are just experiencing a rough time right now. May I be filled with grace and compassion towards them, and do all I can to help them find their way. May I be diligent in prayer, mindful that it's not what I do that is significant, rather what God does.
May I keep the importance off of me, and be used as a servant to further his Kingdom in whatever way he chooses to use me.
This week, I echo these Psalms with my whole heart......

Psalm 28: 26 & 27

28:6 Blessed be Yahweh,
because he has heard the voice of my petitions.
28:7 Yahweh is my strength and my shield.
My heart has trusted in him, and I am helped.
Therefore my heart greatly rejoices.
With my song I will thank him.

Psalm 34:1-8

34:1 I will bless Yahweh at all times.
His praise will always be in my mouth.
34:2 My soul shall boast in Yahweh.
The humble shall hear of it, and be glad.
34:3 Oh magnify Yahweh with me.
Let us exalt his name together.
34:4 I sought Yahweh, and he answered me,
and delivered me from all my fears.
34:5 They looked to him, and were radiant.
Their faces shall never be covered with shame.
34:6 This poor man cried, and Yahweh heard him,
and saved him out of all his troubles.
34:7 The angel of Yahweh encamps around those who fear him,
and delivers them.
34:8 Oh taste and see that Yahweh is good.
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

Psalm 40: 1- 3

40:1 I waited patiently for Yahweh.
He turned to me, and heard my cry.
40:2 He brought me up also out of a horrible pit,
out of the miry clay.
He set my feet on a rock,
and gave me a firm place to stand.
40:3 He has put a new song in my mouth, even praise to our God.
Many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in Yahweh.

Psalm 105: 1-5

105:1 Give thanks to Yahweh! Call on his name!
Make his doings known among the peoples.
105:2 Sing to him, sing praises to him!
Tell of all his marvelous works.
105:3 Glory in his holy name.
Let the heart of those who seek Yahweh rejoice.
105:4 Seek Yahweh and his strength.
Seek his face forever more.
105:5 Remember his marvelous works that he has done....

Monday, February 13, 2006

The stories of my life

The things God allows us to go through in our lives are interesting. Even more interesting is our reaction to those things. Still more interesting is what we learn about ourselves in the process. Surprising things. Especially when we compare it to a past similar situation; it becomes an amazing growth yardstick. Things that would have broken me in the past, while painful and unwanted merely seem to bend me more into the person God wants me to be. Bending, stretching, making perfect - never in the way I would choose; given a choice I would always choose the easy way -another chapter in my story. So now I'm through a trial, and out the other side, and ready to move on into the next learning adventure. Who knows what it will be, but I know God will give me the grace and mercy and serenity to deal with it if I let him. This last episode has been a huge lesson in trust and letting go of control. Of relaxing into him and letting him tell the story the way he wants to - ending and all. And just knowing that he can see the big picture, he knows how it all fits together, he is the master storyteller, is amazing and immensely comforting. You don't even have to cheat and read the end of the book first to know it will be all right when God's the storyteller!

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Jamaica....Bahama, Come on Pretty Mama

Acute bronchitis. Bummer. This has been a horrible winter for me. Now I'm back on another 10 days of heavy duty antibiotics. I am so ready for summer. Or maybe just a trip to some Caribbean beach would fit the bill too. Hot sun, soft sand, gentle breeze, rolling waves, sea birds, steel drums, Bahama Mamas; yeah, I could do that.

Monday, February 06, 2006

I Am Free.....

I am free to run!
(I am free to run)

I am free to dance!
(I am free to dance)

I am free to live for you!
(I am free to live for you)

I am free!
(I am free)

Yes, I am free!
(I am free)


Friday, February 03, 2006

Fish outta water.....

Last night I was at church for music practice, and a couple of us were talking while we were waiting to begin. One of the ladies mentioned that she was going to be in the pastor's class on Sunday because she wanted to learn doctrine/theology etc. Our music director, who is a woman, looked at her and said, "Why would you want to do that?" Huh. Boy did I wanna jump in. But I didn't - not then. "Are you one of those women's libber types?" Confused look on the part of my friend.
"No, I just want to learn."
"But it's all men!."
"Won't that bother you to be in a class that's all men?"
"And why would you want to learn theology?"
OK - now I am getting frustrated. So I do jump in.
"Hey, I love theology. I love to learn. And why not in a class of men? If I wasn't doing something else on Sunday morning I'd join you..." (Well, probably not, cuz the doctrine they are teaching isn't where I wanna be, so I'd be arguing every minute, or frustrated beyond belief...)
Now I'm getting strange looks. OK, whatever. I just don't get it. Why is this mindset about women/theology so prevalent in our churches? It's just so, so ingrained I'm afraid.
Can we change it? Doubtful.
Do you ever feel like a fish outta water?

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Two for the road...

So, in the absurdity of cyberspace I reconnected with my cousin Aaron. And what a surprise it was to find that he is on the same journey as I am! What an exciting turn of events. One of those wonderful, unexpected gifts from God. And trust me, those are always the best kind! The strangest thing is, he is indirectly connected to Kingsjoy! Soon to be directly connected I think. Anyway, I have added his blog to my "Blogs I read" list (crumbsfrommytable.blogspot.com) and I hope you all will take the time to stop over and say hey! (Mike, I noticed you were already there - did you see he left a return comment for you?)
I guess it just goes to show that one never knows who will show up on this journey! It makes me wonder sometimes if I am not as alone as I think, it's just that so very many people are afraid of judgment and repercussions if they are honest about what they believe. Anyway - welcome Aaron. Glad to have you traveling with me!