Whoa!

I just made an incredible discovery. Just now. I was thinking through what has happened this past week, and just letting my mind wander, and let different scenarios play out in my mind. And I realized that I AM ready to defend my faith. Where I am in my life right now. Changes, values beliefs - from where I was to where I am and why. Even to my pastor... whoa! That shocked me. Now, granted I probably won't do it unless I'm asked, but I just realized I'm not afraid anymore! And I think I could do a pretty decent job.
And I realized that some of the issues I have been dealing with in the past several months have started to come together in my mind, and I feel more confident in where I am finding myself settling - without apology. Whoa!
I realized I am ready to re-engage with the learning process, and I'm ready to stretch my mind again. I am weary, tired (physically, with the new puppy and all) even emotionally drained due the events of this last week, yet the feeling of despair and being overwhelmed is gone. Now I just have to figure out where to start....
And I need to remember to go slow - I tend to be impatient and intense, and want to "know" everything right now. Slow is good.
But it is so good to feel connected again. To no longer feel like my prayers are just hitting the ceiling and bouncing back in a mocking, frustrating way. Does it mean I'm all good? No, I still have a lot on my plate, especially regarding this last week, but I feel more able to deal with it, and see it for what it is, and use it in a constructive way. Now if I can just remember that....I fear there is more fall out to come. And I still have issues with some other church related stuff, but I think I can try to be more objective in how I deal with it.
It is interesting, I got 3 different opinions in how to deal with a situation at church - 1. Leave - find a better fit. 2. You are right, fight for what you believe, (with grace and kindness of course..) and 3. You may be right, but even if you are, respect the person, understand him, help him, love him, and lead by example. Being right is not what's important. Hmmmm.. Interesting, and they all speak to just how many differences there are in the body of Christ, and why unity is so difficult to achieve.....