Another year gone by......

So today is my birthday. :D Another year that really just flew by. I must say though that I have had an incredible learning year – well, at least the last 7 months anyway. Not always easy, not always fun, but amazing none-the-less. And as difficult as some of it has been, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Growth pulls and tugs at every little part of you, it stretches you and brings you close to the point of tearing apart. And at that point, just when you feel your soul is about to rupture, new parts of you emerge; extensions of you, yet somehow they feel as if they have always been there. That’s really cool. I don’t know what this next year will bring, but I’m excited to find out!
And to those of you who have shared your time, thoughts and insights with me as I have struggled and grown, to those of you who have supported and prayed with me, thank you so much. I really appreciate you! I wouldn’t be where I am without your help and concern.
And to all my friends – old and new - I just wanted to say I love you guys (and I really like you too…!). I’m not one to say that often or easily because it’s an open invitation to rejection, it makes me too vulnerable. But we (I) neglect to do this too often, and it really needs to be said.
Anyway, those are my thoughts for today….

Which LOTR character am I ?

Curiosity got the better of me......

You scored as Samwise. You're Samwise Gamgee! Samwise the brave is the most loyal friend that you could ever ask for. He'll be there for you through thick and thin, and be willing to do anything for you. "There is some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for." Samwise 94% Frodo 63% Arwen 56% Aragorn 56% Eowyn 56% Gandalf 44% Gollum 31% Faramir 19% Pippin 19% Which LOTR character are you? created with QuizFarm.com

Wicked good fun!

Last night we went to see WICKED at the Oriental Theater in Chicago. It was absolutely awesome. So, you think you know all there is to know about OZ? And the witches? Hmmmm...maybe not! Ana Gasteyer (Saturday Night Live) played Elphaba (aka the Wicked Witch of the West) most believably. Kate Reinders was perfect as ditzy, blond, popular Glinda. The back story of the relationship between the two very different women, and why each became what they were (or did they just seem to be what they were?) was creative, intelligent and a lot of fun. It fills in a lot of the blanks - who was the tinman? Why was the lion cowardly? How did the scarecrow come to be? And what part did the Wizard play in all of this? Where did those sparkly slippers come from? Who is Nessarose anyway? Sweet, funny, entertaining, it holds your interest all the way to the end. And the music was good too!

Wicked Trailer can be found here

I really don't hate Vermont.....aka states I've been to!

create your own personalized map of the USA


I've been all around it, but never even managed to step one foot inside Vermont's borders. So close, yet sooooooooo far. I'll probably get to Hawaii before I get there....;) I've been to Canada, Mexico, even Jamaica, the Bahama's and the Virgin Islands.....just not Vermont!

Surprise!

I actually pulled off a surprise party for my daughter last week. And that is not an easy feat, let me tell you! We had a good time even though a couple girls had to leave not long after it started. (and before the picture...) Anyway, remind me what a pain this was the next time I even consider another surprise party! But this one was special - we had to have a party - cuz it was Carissa's "Sweet 16"! :) Oh, and of course we had to celebrate successfully obtaining her Driver's License!!!! Happy "Sweet 16" Carissa! :)

23 and counting.....

Yesterday was our 23rd wedding anniversary. That's pretty amazing! I remember just before we got married, talking to my brother-in-law. He had been married 7 years at that time. That seemed like an eternity to me then. Of course that could be because that was equal to a third of my life. Now Kim and I are at 23 - I've actually been married half of my life...
We didn't do much 'cause my dad and sister were here visiting, but we did go out to dinner :) That'll do. I'm holding out for a great 25th - maybe a trip?

What kind of traveler are you?

Hey ~ this is actually pretty accurate!

	Your travel type: Culture Buff The culture buff needs to see a museum, an art gallery, a 16-th century church every day during his holiday. When he travels he is always well prepared. He has read history books, speaks a few words of the lingo, knows about the strange habits the locals have.
	top destinations: Amsterdam New York Las Vegas	stay away from: North Korea Ciudad Perdida Darien Gap

get your own travel profile

sermon observations....

"There is no absolute truth...truth is what we perceive it to be...that's post-modernism." And with that my 15 year old started writing furiously next to me " I don't think that that particular thing defines p.mod, and I don't like it when people try to condemn something they don't really understand." Sure, now in the middle of the Sunday morning service I have a daughter that is ready to fight... Why the pastor ever got on this little tangent was not entirely clear, since he was talking about elders, and how they were be humble, and submissive and whatever. Somehow post-modernism was tossed in alongside Mysticism (of the Hindu as well as New Age varieties), both equal examples of dangerous, insidious false doctrines and off we were on a sidetrack. Interpretation of the Bible came next, I won't even go there. My furious scribe shot this off next "and is he saying that we need to take the Bible literally? Because you have to put it into context... and not only that, it has different genres...."
The point of this isn't the specifics, but that people believe what they want to believe about post-modernism based on perceptions, and what other people tell them it is, and why it is so dangerous and wrong. The funny thing is, in many ways our pastor has a post-modern mindset. Apparently he doesn't know it.
And I was encouraged that my teen not only was listening, but was thinking about what she was hearing, and processing it, weighing it and finding it lacking, not just blindly accepting what was being preached as truth. Many adults don't do that, though it is really our responsibility to do so. Though I wonder, if after that, she was too busy seething to hear any of the rest of the sermon that did indeed contain good points!

Breathing is involuntary....

Seems like my life is just full of revelations this week. This one is pretty funny tho at first glance, then it's pretty cool. I realized that everytime I walk into the bathroom I start praying. And that made me laugh. And I started thinking about it, and realized that it's because it's the one place in the house I am truly alone, and I have used it as a refuge at times. Last fall I had a lot going on and I would go get a bath, and just sit and try to relax, and it was the perfect time to just open my heart to God. Now it's such a habit I do it whenever I just walk through the bathroom door.....
And then I realized I do the same thing in the car....hmmmmm. I used to drop my daughter off at youth group, and because of all those same things going on I would use the 10 - 15 minute drive home to pray. Well, more accurately to yell, rant, complain, argue, have a temper tantrum - all out loud - the way I couldn't anywhere else. So, I noticed the other day whenever I get in the car alone I'm praying....way cool! And I thought some more and I realized I do it everytime I go into my bedroom - I caught myself doing it the other day... Whoa. And I do it everytime I head out on the Prairie Path to walk, and I'm astounded! It has become such a habit that I do it as easily as breathing. That's the cool part. And not only do I talk, I find myself listening. And that is even cooler.

Whoa!

I just made an incredible discovery. Just now. I was thinking through what has happened this past week, and just letting my mind wander, and let different scenarios play out in my mind. And I realized that I AM ready to defend my faith. Where I am in my life right now. Changes, values beliefs - from where I was to where I am and why. Even to my pastor... whoa! That shocked me. Now, granted I probably won't do it unless I'm asked, but I just realized I'm not afraid anymore! And I think I could do a pretty decent job.
And I realized that some of the issues I have been dealing with in the past several months have started to come together in my mind, and I feel more confident in where I am finding myself settling - without apology. Whoa!
I realized I am ready to re-engage with the learning process, and I'm ready to stretch my mind again. I am weary, tired (physically, with the new puppy and all) even emotionally drained due the events of this last week, yet the feeling of despair and being overwhelmed is gone. Now I just have to figure out where to start....
And I need to remember to go slow - I tend to be impatient and intense, and want to "know" everything right now. Slow is good.
But it is so good to feel connected again. To no longer feel like my prayers are just hitting the ceiling and bouncing back in a mocking, frustrating way. Does it mean I'm all good? No, I still have a lot on my plate, especially regarding this last week, but I feel more able to deal with it, and see it for what it is, and use it in a constructive way. Now if I can just remember that....I fear there is more fall out to come. And I still have issues with some other church related stuff, but I think I can try to be more objective in how I deal with it.
It is interesting, I got 3 different opinions in how to deal with a situation at church - 1. Leave - find a better fit. 2. You are right, fight for what you believe, (with grace and kindness of course..) and 3. You may be right, but even if you are, respect the person, understand him, help him, love him, and lead by example. Being right is not what's important. Hmmmm.. Interesting, and they all speak to just how many differences there are in the body of Christ, and why unity is so difficult to achieve.....

And my response is......

So, it's been a really tough week around here. I wish I could say it has been a great learning experience, but I can't. At least not right now. It's basically just been painful. It amazes me how little bitty, seemingly innocent things have a way of blowing up into gigantic issues. And as I have observed this personally this week it has been interesting to observe the various responses people have to the problem. Being Christ-like goes out the window as everybody scrambles for secure footing on the rocky precipice of "I am Justified" mountain. Or maybe its twin, "I am Right" peak. And nobody reaches out a hand to pull the impulsive, inexperienced man, impatient to make it to the top, who has found himself in an impossible spot of having nowhere to go, to safety. No one sets aside thoughts of their own position to help rescue or secure a brother on the stable ground of understanding. Now is not the time for blame and criticism. It is time to gently encourage and, wrap arms of compassion around the one who is in trouble, to help him find his way out of the precariousness of his current position before irreversible damage is done.

It doesn't matter if the one on dangerous ground is the one who led us into this mess. It doesn't matter if the one in danger of going over the edge followed the leader up the mountain challenging his lead, all the while yelling at him that he is wrong. It doesn't matter who's right. What matters is that another can keep his head and come along side those in trouble, putting themselves in the middle of the danger also to help guide those in trouble to a safe path, a path that leads to a respite of compassion, understanding, and healing.

And perhaps next time, before we start the journey, a bit of experience would help. A guide to gently instruct those who are learning to lead. Before we head out into the unknown, we who embark on the journey must also be willing to listen, encourage and support each other. And if we get in trouble, we must not hesitate to ask for help before we find ourselves in harms way.

But for right now, we need to bind up the wounded, to love the hurting. Nurture each other back to good health so our corporate body can once again be healthy and whole. Affirm and support one another. Offer assistance to those who desire it, and pray for those who can't begin to figure out how they ended up in this mess. And above all, strive to humbly be like Jesus in what we say and do.

Why is it that...

the darn puppy wakes me up hourly all night, but now that it is morning he will sleep for hours.......?
Aargh!

Aargh!

Well apparently flickr and my blog have conspired against me and chosen to take a vacation. Hence the missing photos.....hopefully all will be well later......

EDIT: Looks like my pictures are back from where ever they went. :D Woo Hoo!

AND if you didn't notice I actually put some links to other people's blogs up today. The wonder of it all is, they actually work!!

What I'm learning, What I'm reading......

I discovered something about myself this past week. I have changed a lot in these past few months. I knew I had changed some, I knew I had some different ways of looking at things, but I didn't realize until I was sitting in a small group meeting listening to people's thoughts and beliefs just how far I had moved. That's scary. And disorienting. And it makes me a little lonely, a little sad, and wondering where I go from here. I don't like to be different. I don't like to be alone. I have spent my whole life trying to be who people want me to be so I will be accepted. I have worked really hard to change that. And now I'm afraid if they only knew what I was thinking I would be alone again......

On another track. I'm reading again, just trying to be more balanced in my selections. I read Girls in Pants: The Third Summer of the Sisterhood (Sisterhood of Traveling Pants), DaVinci Code and Girl Meets God (by Lauren Winner.) I'm currently reading God's Politics by Wallis and I just got The Gospel in a Pluralist Society by Newbigin as well as The Shaping of a Life : A Spiritual Landscape by Tickle, Confessions of a Beginning Theologian by Elouise Renich Fraser and Mudhouse Sabbath by Lauren Winner. Well, it was balanced in what I read, but not in my list of things to read I guess. I need to find another good fiction book to read as well I guess. Any suggestions?

Cairo

Well, we got a new dog today. Actually it is Carissa's dog, but um that means it's pretty much me that does the work, and Carissa that does the bonding and fun stuff.....
Anyway, Cairo is an Australian Shepherd, and he is 13 weeks old. He is what is called a Red Merle - that means he is coppery brown and white. He has green eyes! :) He is a real cuddley, sweet puppy. Playful and fun. Hopefully he won't drive Cody (our cocker) crazy. Everyone really loves him already, even Chris was cuddling and playing with him. Welcome to our home Cairo!

still traveling...

After we left Niagara Falls we headed for Quebec City. We had been there years ago and not been able to visit the fort at that time, so we wanted to try again. Hmmm, when we arrive in Quebec it was 90 degrees, by the next day it was 50 degrees. And rainy. And windy.

We did get to the fort, and saw some neat churches, and managed to fit in a little shopping before we froze and returned to our cabin.
Our next stop, Maine - Bar Harbor,
Acadia, :) and lobster
Oh, and of course, lighthouses!
Probably our favorite spot on the trip though was Rockport, Massachusettes. Out on Cape Ann, just beyond Gloucester. Artsy, cool, scenic - lotsa fun. We stayed in the same Inn (The Inn on Cove Hill) there in Rockport where we stayed on our honeymoon. After they got over the ick factor, the kids really liked it! We ate tons of seafood and chowder - YUM! Bearskin Neck in Rockport is one of the most photographed spots in the country. This is one reason why....
We did spend a day (still cold) in Boston doing the Freedom Trail with the girls,

(Old North Church)
then took a detour to Concord before heading down to Cape Cod. One morning we spent at Plimoth Plantation enjoying the history of my ancestors and the accurate recreation of the town as well as the in-costume, in-character actors.
From the Cape, we were off once again, this time to NYC. We didn't have too much time, so we only got to do The Statue of Liberty, Ground Zero, and my favorite, Ellis Island.
Well, there you have the highlites of the trip. 2 weeks, 3600 miles, 2 countries, lots of seafood, history, and nature. But we are all glad to be back home!

3600 miles later........

We are back from our trip to the Northeast. We had a good time, despite the rain! We left home on Saturday, the 11th of June, and headed to Kalamazoo, MI to meet Anne, an Ooze friend, for breakfast. It was a lot of fun to meet Anne, and her son Carman in person. Not long after we sat down to eat, a couple of guys came over to our table. It was Anne's pastor and Carman's youth leader from Threads in Kalamazoo. It was really cool to be able to meet them. My hubby, and Carman managed to keep each other entertained while we girls chatted. My girls loved Anne for her creativity,kindness, and gentle spirit. The time went way too fast, but we had to be on the road by noon so we would be able to get to Guelph, Ontario, Canada by 6:00 to meet Jewels - another Oozer. We had a great time at dinner with Jewels - good food, good conversation and lots of laughter. I was a little worried my girls would object to visiting people they didn't know, or be bored at both breakfast and dinner, but they loved it. They both really enjoyed Anne and Jewels. (They loved Jewels because she was animated, fun, hilarious and outgoing.) They actually were disappointed that there were no more Oozers to meet on the trip. They asked me why we got to do all the cool things on the first day - now what was there to look forward to! Wasn't there someone else they could meet? Thanks Anne and Julie for meeting us on the road!

Day two, we were at Niagara Falls. Believe it or not, Canada was the hottest portion of our trip. 90 degrees. Because of the heat the fog never lifted off the falls so you couldn't really see them. It was disappointing not to be able to see the magnificence and awesome beauty and power of the Falls. We did manage to get pretty wet tho! We decided not to go on the Maid of the Mist because all we would have seen was MIST, but we did do the Journey Behind the Falls. We still didn't see much, but we sure tried! What amazed me about Niagara Falls is that in the years since I have been there (my dad grew up in the Buffalo NY area) it has become overly commercialized and touristy. Lots of cheesy shops, restaurants (any theme you could want, including super heroes, as well as Hard Rock's etc.) wax museums, Casinos, etc. Amazing what people will spend their money on! We opted to leave the falls proper, and go to Niagara Glen Nature Area and hike. Carissa's curiosity and insistence led us down a neat trail into the gorge. Unfortunately we couldn't spend a long time there because getting lost in the woods, in the gorge, in the dark just wouldn't have been cool!

We're Off

Well, we're off on our trip to New England. Should be fun! It's actually the same trip we did on our honeymoon 23 years ago, except we didn't go to New York City then. We leave tomorrow for Niagara Falls (Canadian side.) On our way we're stopping in Kalamazoo for breakfast with an Ooze friend - Anne Goodrich (AnneGogh) and her son Carman. Can't wait! Then we're off to the Guelph/Cambridge, Ontario area for dinner with another Oozer, Jewels! (a268chic) I'm getting pretty excited about meeting them! We are going to spend a day at Niagara falls, doing the "Maid of the Mist" and all that touristy stuff.
Monday will be our longest driving day as we head for Quebec city. Last time we were there we didn't get to visit the fort, so we made allowances for that this time, and we will spend Tuesday exploring that as well as the city.
On Wednesday we head through Vermont and into Maine. We will be visiting Bar Harbor and Acadia National Park. Last time we went on some pretty cool hikes, but I hurt my knee the other day, and it is really not looking like I will be able to do much climbing/hiking. Hopefully we can find some "Lobster in the Rough" up that way like we did before.
On Friday we head to Cape Ann - specifically Rockport, Massachusettes. We will be staying two nights in the same bed and breakfast we stayed in on our honeymoon, The Inn on Cove Hill. For some reason that creeps the kids out......
We plan to take the train in to Boston on Saturday, do the Freedom Trail, visit the park with the ducklings and the swan boats and just basically have fun exploring the city and eating good food. We hope to have seafood in Gloucester - YUM! On Sunday the 9th we'll head towards Cape Cod and spend Monday there - at the National Seashore, and possibly Martha's Vinyard. Not sure yet. Next (Tuesday) we'll head for New York City and spend Wednesday there with plans to visit the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island and Ground Zero. We decided not to do a Broadway Show - we didn't want to drag dress clothes along - so we have tickets when we get home to see "Wicked" in Chicago! Sweet! Thursday we'll head towards Ohio and Kim's parents house in Amish country. Friday we'll be there, unless we are just anxious to get home in which case we'll come home Friday night. Either way we'll be home by Saturday evening the 25th.
Okay - enough procrastinating - it's only 14 hours till we leave - I guess I should pack and do all that stuff you need to do to get ready for a trip!
Later!

changes, will they be accepted, will they last....

We had our first small group meeting last night. Faith Gatherings is what they are called. They have so much potential, but I'm not sure how I even feel about it. The purpose of the group is to create and build honest relationships within our church as a whole. To create community. We are using a book to get started called Lasting Legacy from Life Connections. It appears to be pretty good - the first week is designed to get people to think about and learn to share their spiritual story. OK, on the surface, sounds good. It was kind of a mechanical beginning tho, not easy or comfortable. The group is multigenerational, which is good, yet there is one couple I feel pretty uncomfortable with. I'm not sure I can open up there, truly, because I would still feel so judged, not only because of where I'm coming from, if I'm honest, but where I am. The point is to be authentic and let people know you, but really, no one else is where I am, and what will I be opening myself up to? It's ok to be where I am, and work through things on my own, but when this becomes public how will I be accepted? And I don't feel like I have the strength to go head to head with these people when they start questioning me.....
Next week they are covering Being Vulnerable. OK - I feel pretty vulnerable already. I'm obviously very anxious about making myself vulnerable to some of these people. I was pretty excited about these small groups, now I'm starting to be conflicted and very anxious.
I do like that we are working on the concepts of sharing your story without all the christianese, I like that the awareness is there that we need to become vulnerable (week 2) and authentic (week 3), and that the concept of living your life as a witness instead of using clubs and threats is being presented (tho I am not sure that concept is truly understood, based on the concepts I was hearing from our leader last night. - I fear it's pretty difficult to take a bunch of evangelicals and try to introduce a new way of living, of showing the world Jesus....)
We will be working on caring for others, affirming others, encouraging others, ministering to others, building relationships with unchurched friends (that ought to be interesting.....) and experiencing Authentic Christian Community.
So while I am excited, and encouraged in seeing our church thinking about these things, I'm not sure how much impact it will have in the long run. Maybe I am being overly pessemistic, or not trusting God that good things can happen. I just know there is alot of baggage there, and a lot of changes to be made. And I know I will probably hold a lot of things back - and that flies in the face of what we are trying to do....

I am also encouraged that our pastor is truly trying to think about these things, and even about the structure and purpose of various meetings at the church. Every one has a different purpose. Sunday morning - praise and worship. Sunday evening - Faith Gatherings - which I had talked about above. And he is starting a half hour prayer time on Wednseday evening to have a dedicated time of corporate prayer. He has truly thought this through, recognizing that many people are uncomfortable praying in a large group setting, or praying outloud in front of others at all. When he was talking about why people are hesitant to pray aloud, all his thoughts and reasons were so right on I have to wonder if this is how he has felt? So his challange is 50 people this week, those who pray aloud, and also those who will stand with them and pray silently. Just being there, with the community, praying in whatever capacity. I had to laugh - he is so serious about this that he said if he puts anyone on the spot, or embarrases them in any way he will pay them $50.00. :)
My daughter was so impressed with his thoughts on prayer, and how it is so neccessary, and so impressed with his thoughts and ideas for Wednesday prayer time she marched right up to him after church and proceeded to tell him so. (She is not shy)
She told him she enjoyed and agreed with that sermon, that people needed to hear it and she was in support of it. (She's 15....)

So we'll see where this all goes. It is exciting that our pastor sees the needs, and sees that we need to change many things. Yet when push comes to shove, when life becomes messy as it will, how people will feel? Will they accept or judge? Will they open up, or keep quiet? Will these changes be embraced or will people leave? Will this remain only on a surface level, or will it become deep and meaningful? Where are we truly headed?

Recovering?

Well, I thought I was. I have had so much to think about lately, so many new concepts and ideas running around in my head. It was getting pretty overwhelming. So, following the advice of a good friend, I took a self imposed book break. No more reading - well for a short while anyway. Instead of being stuffed with ideas, I need to digest them. And it seemed to be working, well at least until today. No, I didn't read a book. Or have any big discussion with anyone. Or try anything new. But out of the blue a concept I am struggling with came back full force. Like I never turned off the wheels, but had just temporarily jammed them somehow and the wedge dislodged and whir - off I go again. And I can't still the restless cycling, or silence the squeak and rattle of the wheels.....
relentless.
insistent.
inescapable.
inexorable.
tenacious.
Guess it's time to put on my helmet, relinquish control, and go along for the ride.