He Will Carry Me ~ Mark Schultz

I call, You hear me
I've lost it all
And it's more than I can bear
I feel so empty

You're strong, I'm weary
I'm holding on
But I feel like giving in
But still You're with me

And even though I'm walking
Through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me

I know I'm broken
But You alone
Can mend this heart of mine
You're always with me

And even though I'm walking
Through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me
He will carry me

And even though I feel so lonely
Like I have never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said You'd see me through the storm

And even though I'm walking
Through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I've been wounded in my battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me
He will carry me
He will carry me

Today's gift....

Wow - I have been pretty discouraged at work lately trying to get the new computer lab up and running. You can only set up so many computers before you hit the wall. Not only that, anytime I get motivated to really go at it I get interrupted by three or four people needing help with computer problems elsewhere. I don't really want to even see another computer, or help anyone with their tech problems right now. I just want to sit in a chair and let the world go by...
BUT today a friend came by with lunch and music, (bless you Dana!), and got me moving again. She just came in and starting unpacking CPU's and monitors and helped me set them up and we knocked off 5 more in no time. Woo Hoo! :) Big morale boost! Now I'm over halfway done, and psychologically that's huge! Only 9 more to go.....

Thank goodness this week is over!

So it has been a long, hard week at work. I am so totally exhausted. Despite my best efforts I only have 10 computers assembled, up and running. The teachers just need so much hand holding right now that I'm not accomplishing much else! Hopefully next week I can get into high gear. Though I must admit there are only so many computers you can assemble at a time without losing your mind....
But "I [got] by with a little help from my friends" - dinner out Tuesday, dinner out with different friends Wednesday, and tonight was the first football game of the season, so we had a great time there. The band sounded and looked pretty darn good! And to top it off, we won! ~ 35-14!! All moral boosters and stress relievers. And tomorrow we have a wedding. More good times.
The week is over. I survived.

Woo Hoo!

It's finally out and I have it!! I am sooooo excited.
Here's an example:

Mercy in Me

A poor man on the corner
I could give to You by buying him lunch
But I rarely think about it
'Cause I got a little but it's not that much
And I pray Lord won't you help me
Give me a little bit more for myself
And You say Child won't you let me
Take all that you got and give you a little real wealth

And I don't know what You want
What you see in my life
And I don't know what you mean
How You could be glorified
I'm not too sure about this idea of sacrifice
What You mean by mercy, mercy in me
Your mercy in me

A young girl in an old house
Three kids and another on the way
She's in desperate need of some new clothes
But I keep my old ones and tell her I'll pray for her
But Your heart breaks for those kids
And that child of a mom who's one of Your own
When a few gifts and a little time is another crown
I could lay at the feet of Your throne

And I don't know what You want
What you see in my life
And I don't know what you mean
How You could be glorified
I'm not too sure about this idea of sacrifice
What You mean by mercy, mercy in me
Your mercy in me

Where is a good man when you need one?

I swear I'm never letting my hubby go out of town again......
As long as he is here we're good. When he's gone...... See, we now have 4 cars. Unfortunately it's a necessity due to scheduling, school, work etc. Chris works in Aurora, Kim works in Franklin Park, Carissa is in highschool, but very involved, Kelsey is going to College of Dupage, and I have to work too. So we got a new car and that brought us up to 4 functioning and fairly reliable vehicles.
Kim leaves last week for a canoe trip to the boundary waters. I'm jealous of the time he gets to spend with his friends away from here, but not of the location. ;) Anyway, he's only been gone a couple days when the van dies. We're ok - he's gone, so 3 cars work fine. But as soon as he gets home on Thursday (18th) he turns around and leaves Friday am for Ohio with 3 buddies to go to several baseball games. And he was supposed to take the van. Nope, he has to rent a car, and the van is still sitting in our driveway.
So Chris comes home last night (19th) with his sad tale; a stupid driver in the left lane decided he needed to turn right (on 59 by Fox Valley Mall) and so he just stopped dead in the left lane and Chris hit him. The stupid driver and his SUV had no damage so he talks to Chris and says forget it, no big deal, I gotta go and leaves. No information exchanged at all. Chris comes home and begins to see there is a lot more damage than he thought to his car, but now there is no recourse. Chris's car is now held together with duct tape and a prayer. And common sense did prevail and he did call the police and together they decided all things considered he didn't need to file an accident report. Our insurance wouldn't have paid anyway, the car is old and we took collision off the insurance.
So, now we're down from 4 cars to 2 till the others get fixed. I'm afraid to go anywhere today! LOL.
And while this drama is playing out, where is Kim? At the Reds game with his buddies having a blast. Tonight they have club seats at the Indians game which is super cool, and it's actually Kim's birthday so that is even cooler. Tomorrow they are off to Detroit and the Tigers.
I really need to find some friends to go somewhere with........

Renewal

Rain. It has been such a precious commodity this summer. Now it is raining and I am satisfied. Ironically, not because we need it so badly, no, but because the rhythm of the rain is soothing and calming. I love rain in the summer as long as it isn't a daily occurrence.
I love the gentle whisper of the rain on the roof. I love the sweet breath of the breeze. My soul dances to the muted rumble of thunder in the distance. It's exciting to see a dusty and faded landscape become crystal clear and bright again. To smell the heady, invigorating scent of a freshly washed earth. It lulls me to laziness. To daydream, to think, to pray, to curl up with a good book. I am comforted. I love the rain in the summer.

School starts Monday...

Where did the summer go? Better question - how did I make use of my time? I intended to really get some work done around this house (that always slides during the school year), to work in the yard, and to get some quality reading done. Well I didn't accomplish any of the above. Between being a chauffeur, taking a vacation (better word is trip), the heat and drought (which only effected the outside work), a new puppy, out of town guests and other assorted distractions I barely had time to sit down. I am sad that it is over. I am frustrated by my lack of accomplishment. And I am just plain tired. Not a good way to begin a new school year. But begin I will come Monday. First up? Setting up 25 new computers (they are still in the box) in my computer lab, and hand-holding 20 teachers as they discover the district went to a new operating system over the summer and they (the teachers) have to re-setup and/or update everything on their classroom computers including their e-mail.....
So here's a pretty accurate breakdown of my first few days of school: Get up early. Show up for work. Put on my armor. Answer the same question 20 times or more. Listen to complaints - valid and those perceived as such. Take a deep breath (hoping not to hyperventilate from repetition). Count to 10 (many times....). Smile. Lock the door to my room. Bang head on wall. Come home. Collapse. Make dinner. Fall asleep with a book in my hands.
Repeat daily...... :D

My visit to Willow Creek

So, I went with a friend to Willow/Wheaton today. Impressions? It was interesting. Good band ~ but really not as much music as I thought there might be. Especially considering the set up involved on a weekly basis. (They share facilities with Wheaton Academy.)
Mixed crowd - multi-generational, I saw anywhere from babies clear up to a couple in their late 70's or so.
I find I don't really care for the video preaching concept. It distracts me. And somehow, oddly enough it doesn't really feel like church. Whatever the definition of church may be. It felt more like entertainment, yet that is probably just a perception on my part. I also like action with reaction, I like a preacher who can feel when he is really getting through to people and conversely when he is losing them.
The message was good - good concepts, good integration of scripture - though that aspect was not off-putting to seekers or new believers as all the quoted scripture was up on the screen - no Bible necessary. Though again, I like to have my Bible and use it as a tool, as a supplement as I am listening.
What surprised me the most, and according to my friend isn't a regular occurrence, was the fact that there was an alter call. Having been raised a good evangelical Baptist who knows the drill I was amused, (it literally brought a smile to my face) by the updated alter call. Not being from a "conventional" Baptist church, alter calls were rare in my church, but I have been in many churches where they are as expected as a weekly offering.... Now, at Willow, instead of the tedious, protracted, often mind numbing verses of "Just As I Am" they used a very current CCM/worship style "Just As I Am", upbeat and intentional. New, yet very much the same old thing. I almost laughed out loud.....
I did come away with a couple of good concepts. One is very relevant to attitudes found in many of our churches - you know, the kick 'em when they're down, shoot your wounded attitude you see in judgmental Christianity. It is the concept of a baby learning to walk, and the support and patience of our heavenly Father. Babies fail. They fall. Sometimes they can't take any more than one little step before they stumble. So it is with all of us at any given time in our lives. Instead of yelling at us, telling us how stupid we are, judging us for our ineptitude, and derisively asking us when we are ever going to learn, our Father gently lifts us to our feet, and offers us his hand, all the while encouraging us to try again. And again. And yet again.
If our perfect Father is so understanding, so forgiving, who are we to sit in judgment of others shortcomings?
And secondly, the concept that really caught my imagination was my life as drawn on an Etch-A-Sketch. No matter who you are, it is very difficult to draw anything that even resembles a picture on an Etch-A-Sketch. We make false starts, wrong moves, we totally make a mess of our picture. Yet we can in humility offer our messed up, distorted lives to the Master and He will take it - just as it is. At which time, with grace and mercy, He will gently shake the ruin of our life and erase the mistakes and messiness therein. Gone. Forgiven. Erased completely. And returns a clean slate/screen on which to begin again. Wow!
So anyway. That was my experience at Willow. I believe God is using it in a mighty way. And I'm thankful it reaches those that many traditional churches do not. I will probably visit again sometime - it was an enjoyable experience. But it would not be my choice on a regular basis. A little too modern for my taste. A little too circusy and polished ~ I find myself entertained instead of worshiping. Simple at heart, intentional in worship, desirous of more connectedness, I would not thrive in Willow's environment. But I am happy for those who do.

Good company!

It's been a busy few days. My sister-in-law has been here to visit. :) We were roommates in college and obviously we married brothers..... Her kids are 21, 18(19), and 16 like mine, and self-sufficient, so she flew in to visit me from Ohio on Wednesday. I was a little worried with Cairo, because she is allergic to dogs..but hey, the picture tells the story. They became great friends and I'm sure Cairo will miss Aunt Brenda!
We did have a great time - shopping, talking, eating - ya know, girl stuff......
Anyway - that's what I've been doing this week! :)

Another year gone by......

So today is my birthday. :D Another year that really just flew by. I must say though that I have had an incredible learning year – well, at least the last 7 months anyway. Not always easy, not always fun, but amazing none-the-less. And as difficult as some of it has been, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Growth pulls and tugs at every little part of you, it stretches you and brings you close to the point of tearing apart. And at that point, just when you feel your soul is about to rupture, new parts of you emerge; extensions of you, yet somehow they feel as if they have always been there. That’s really cool. I don’t know what this next year will bring, but I’m excited to find out!
And to those of you who have shared your time, thoughts and insights with me as I have struggled and grown, to those of you who have supported and prayed with me, thank you so much. I really appreciate you! I wouldn’t be where I am without your help and concern.
And to all my friends – old and new - I just wanted to say I love you guys (and I really like you too…!). I’m not one to say that often or easily because it’s an open invitation to rejection, it makes me too vulnerable. But we (I) neglect to do this too often, and it really needs to be said.
Anyway, those are my thoughts for today….