I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice.

Rainy Days and Mondays....

Another morning. Warm and spitting rain. I'm sitting here trying to get something coherent down, and nothing is happening. I think my brain is on strike, taking the break that I won't give it. I can't make logical sense of any of the thoughts swirling around in my head. Probably because they are too many to count. One thought leads to another, and yet another, totally intertwined and I can't sort them out - they refuse definition; they don't fit neatly into a specific category. I can't even figure out what conclusion I am trying to come to. I can't sequence, so forget asking me a question. I have no answers today. And probably not tomorrow. New thoughts? Forget it. I can't read past three paragraphs in a book with out my brain protesting that it is in the possession of too much to think about already and can't take one more idea. And I pass out holding my book and wake up hours later having accomplished nothing. I just want to learn so badly. To soak up new ideas, process them and use them. It's like an addiction, and apparently I'm overdosing on ideas. My natural curiosity won't let me be content with just ideas either. I have to know how they relate to other ideas, how they interact and the ramifications. And this triggers other tangents and possibilities, and I can only go down one path at a time. Running through life doesn't help me experience it or enjoy it, or even truly learn from it.

All that to say, please don't ask me any deep questions or expect me to have any great insights in a discussion today. And if you already have, please forgive my lack of response, it's not because I don't want to respond, it's because, right now, I can't.

Listen to the music.......

"I think worship is the strongest tool we have in fighting those negative messages. You are what you're filled with. The great thing about music is it is always available. If you feel overwhelmed by this life, you can crank up the tunes and let the Lord minister to you and get refocused."

Rick Heil of Sonicflood puts into words the way I have always felt. I have always used music to speak to my heart and refocus myself. Music always got into the cracks of my soul where nothing else could reach. Yet, now, I'm wondering if this has been the wrong approach. Or if I just need a new focus, a new way to think and learn and regroup.

Or if God is just tired of competing with the music.....

It's HARD to be like Jesus.

We used this song in church Sunday as a reflection piece. Wow. The words in red are the ones that really spoke to me.....

Hard
Rich Mullins

Well, I am a good Midwestern boy
I give an honest day's work if I can get it
I don't cheat on my taxes, I don't cheat on my girl
I've got values that would make the White House jealous

Well, I do get a little much over-impressed
'Til I think of Peter and Paul and the apostles
I don't stack up too well against them I guess
But by the standards 'round here I ain't doing that awful

Lord, it's hard to turn the other cheek
Hard to bless when others curse you
Oh Lord, it's hard to be a man of peace
Lord, it's hard, oh it's hard,
You know it's hard to be like Jesus
Don't you know it's hard, oh it's hard,
Oh Lord, it's hard to be like Jesus

And it's hard to step out on them waves
Hard to walk beyond your vision
Oh Lord, it's hard to be a man of faith
Lord, it's hard (hard), Lord, it's hard (so hard),
Oh Lord, it's hard to be like Jesus
Don't you know it's hard (hard), oh it's hard (yeah hard),
Oh Lord, it's hard to be like Jesus

Well, His eye's on the sparrow
And the lilies of the field I've heard
And He will watch over you and He will watch over me
So we can dress like flowers and eat like birds

And it's hard when your soul had been stripped bare
Hard to lift your eyes toward Heaven
Oh Lord, it's hard to be a man of prayer
Lord, it's hard, oh it's hard,
You know it's hard to be like Jesus

Lord, it's hard to be a man of peace
But it's hard (so hard), ain't it hard (hard),
You know it's hard to be like Jesus
Don't you know it's hard (hard), and it's hard (yeah hard)
To be a man of peace (hard, so hard)
But it's hard to be like Jesus

And I'm trying, trying, try
Oh Lord, I try so hard
Don't you know it's hard
Oh glory, oh gracious
But ain't it hard to be like Jesus

Well, I am a good Midwestern boy
I give an honest day's work if I can get it
I don't cheat on my taxes, I don't cheat on my girl
I've got values that would make the White House jealous

Being like Jesus is not easy at all. It's the hardest thing I've ever tried to do. Hard to love people that I don't like. Hard to love people that hurt me. Hard to love people that say mean things, or always have it in for you, make things hard for you. It's hard to love people I don't know. Hard to love people that are not like me.
It's hard to step out of the safety of the boat I'm in and on to the unstable water. Drowning is a pretty good bet. Sinking at the very least. Totally overwhelming unless I keep my eyes on Jesus. It's hard. It's hard to trust him for a future I can not see, and that he knows what's best even if it seems like it's the worst thing that could be happening at that moment. Hard to keep the vision when it seems like things just never work out the way you hoped. When all you can see is the glass half empty.
And it's hard when you've reached the very bottom. There's nowhere left to fall. No way up, or out. Total despair, overwhelming sadness and fear. It's hard to keep going. Trusting. Believing.
Don't let any one tell you anything different. It's HARD. But it's what we have been called to do.

The day the music died.......

I'm still struggling with this music thing. It's just so not me. I suppose my lack of interest is saying something important to me if I would just listen. Today, I got in the car and turned on the radio. Determined to take back the music that is such a part of me. As I turned on the radio a song was just starting; and this is what I heard:

When the music fades
and all has slipped away
and I simply come.
Longing just to be
something that's of worth
that will bless Your heart.

I'll bring You more than a song,
for a song in itself
is not what You have required.
You search much deeper within,
through the way things appear,
Your looking into my heart.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
and its all about You, its all about You, Jesus.
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
when its all about You, its all about You, Jesus.

King of endless worth,
no one could express
how much you deserve.
Though I'm weak and poor,
all I have is Yours,
every single breath!

I'll bring You more than a song,
for a song in itself
is not what You have required.
You search much deeper within,
through the way things appear,
Your looking into my heart.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
and its all about You, its all about You, Jesus.
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
when its all about You, its all about You, Jesus.

Coincidence? I doubt it. Hmmmm......

Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Our walls of division do not rise all the way to heaven.

Metropolitan Philaret of Moscow

Coulda been worse.....

So, my son, Chris, and his friend Brian were in an accident this afternoon. Brian was driving and they got hit while making a left turn. Both of them seem to be ok, but sore, and they will probably be sore-er tomorrow. If they had been hit a little further back Chris could have been hurt a lot more. I don't know what it is with my children and accidents on Tuesdays in November, but I told Carissa, as the only one not having been involved in an accident on a Tuesday in November; she is only allowed to walk from now on on those days. LOL.
Anyway, now I have something else to be thankful for - God protecting Chris this afternoon.

Wii, Wii, Wii.......

Wanna laugh until it hurts? Try the new Wii. My son got one, and believe me, we were about to wee over the wii. Just trying to get the hang of it is hilarious. And everyone looks pretty stupid. But, wow, is it cool!
All I can say is, it's the first thing we've done in a while where everyone in the family was involved and laughing.....
Oh - and another thing, no more couch potato gamers....:) Too fun.

I am thankful for:

my family
my health
my church
my church family
good friends
sunshine
Dana
Mike
grace and mercy
laughter
Emma
past 2 years struggles
music
silence
Aaron
all my blog friends, new and old.

another quiz.....

Your Language Arts Grade: 100%

Way to go! You know not to trust the MS Grammar Check and you know "no" from "know." Now, go forth and spread the good word (or at least, the proper use of apostrophes).

Are You Gooder at Grammar?
Make a Quiz

I like this....

". . . For all that 'I was lost, I am found', it is probably more accurate to say, 'I was really lost, I'm a little less so at the moment.' And then a little less and a little less again. That to me is the spiritual life. The slow reworking and rebooting of a computer at regular intervals, reading the small print of the service manual. It has slowly rebuilt me in a better image. It has taken years, though, and it is not over yet."
Bono

Do you deserve your highschool diploma?

You paid attention during 97% of high school!

85-100% You must be an autodidact, because American high schools don't get scores that high! Good show, old chap!

Do you deserve your high school diploma?
Create a Quiz

Thank you for scoring highly on this quiz, there is sweet hope for the future. If you did not score high, please join the Volunteer for Human Extinction Movement. Either way, share your results with your friends so they can take this quiz and test their knowledge!

HEY, in addition to looking smart, I learned a new word!! autodidact

I'm a Christ Follower..... ENJOY!

Part 1


Part 2


Part 3 - LOL LOL LOL


Part 4

The Sounds of Silence

Something's wrong. I'm finding I want to listen to silence more than music.....
Over the past several days I can't find anything that I want to listen to. Even my favorites hold no appeal. I hop from artist to artist, station to station, genre to genre, and I don't resonate with anything. It all bores me. There's no enjoyment. I keep seeking in vain. Nothing. Ok. So be it. I'm gonna listen to the silence. And maybe in that silence hear the voice of God?

"Weekend in New England"

We had a wonderful weekend in New England. Gordon College was awesome, and Carissa and her friend Jess really liked it a lot.They are both wearing Gordon scarves and drinking out of Gordon mugs and they have their keys on Gordon Lanyards.......
The weather was gorgeous. 60 and sunny. What more could you want on the 10th and 11th of November?
The campus was very nice also - as you can see from the pix. The girls attended 2 classes - a Theater class and also Bible Literature/Greek class. We met with the theater prof later in the day, and I must say, we were very impressed. With him, his department and his advice. The girls both had their interviews. We took a tour. Gorgeous athletic center. Shabby Chic dorms. Well, the old ones anyway. Chapel - simple and so New England.
The campus had a well worn, well loved aura about it. Not all polished and perfect and "new". Not pretentious. Intellectual feeling library, old and serious. We were able to attend opening night of a play written and produced by the eleven actors themselves. "Growing Up Christian" - poignant and funny and sadly true. Something for everyone. We stayed for the post-show discussion.

The girls stayed on campus Friday night - ironically with a girl from Wheaton. LOL. Saturday we picked them up and headed to Concord, because the girls would not rest until they revisited The Cheese Shop, which they had visited a couple years ago on their band trip to Boston.
We took pix, and bought yummy sandwiches at their deli to take back to Rockport. Rockport is a town at the tip of Cape Anne. You pass through Gloucester to get there. We honeymooned in Rockport 24 years ago, and then went back 2 years ago with our kids. Carissa was also there with the band. We all love Rockport. So Friday night Kim and I stayed at the Sally Webster Inn in Rockport. And then Friday night the girls joined us there. It's neat because the innkeeper's kids went to Gordon.

So, anyway, Friday, after Concord we went back to Rockport with our lunch, and went out on Bearskin Neck to eat and just watch the harbor and the ocean. The trawlers, small fishing boats, lobster traps, seabirds, gentle ocean swells. Peaceful. Restful.
And while I was taking pictures a seagull ate half my yummy sandwich.... At home it's the dogs, in Rockport it's the seagulls.
Then we walked around and shopped and soaked in the ambiance - for lack of a better word. We people watched. Around 3 we went back to the inn and took naps - we were all sooooooooo tired. That evening we went down to The Fish Shack for $12 lobsters. YUM!! I love this town. I enjoyed Gordon. In a way I selfishly hope my daughter goes here so I have a good excuse to visit often.
So that was basically our weekend. It was a fun, relaxing break. Enjoyable.
Enjoy the pictures!

Please Come to Boston...

So, today we are off to Massachusetts to visit Gordon College. I love Boston. I love history. I wish I were going to Gordon College.....
Thankfully, my daughter inherited my appreciation for New England, Boston, and all things historic. :) And to that she merged her love for art. So what better place to go to school than Gordon? A stones throw from Boston proper in one direction, and a stones throw from Rockport on Cape Ann in the other. The towns of Gloucester, Essex, Manchester-by-the-Sea, and Rockport comprise Cape Ann. Rockport has a thriving artists colony, good food, quaint Bed and Breakfasts and lost of unique people. I love it. She loves it. In fact, the artists colony has been around since pre-depression days.

Rockport still thrived as an artists colony -- which began years earlier due to its rocky, boulder-strewn ocean beaches, its quaint fishing shacks, a harbor filled with small, colorful fishing boats, and the fact that Cape Ann was made famous by Rudyard Kipling's Captains Courageous. A red fishing shack on Bradley Wharf in Rockport, known as 'Motif Number 1', has for years been one of the most famous sites on Cape Ann, at first as the subject of hundreds of paintings, then as it became well known, as a site to be photographed and visited by tourists from all over the world in itself.
Wikipedia

Here is my picture of "Motif Number 1" Whadya think?


Anyway, all that to say, I won't be around this weekend. We will be at Gordon College and also playing on Cape Ann. Eating seafood. Saltwater Taffy. Fudge. Going to cheese shops. Drooling over artwork. Soaking up charm, and quaintness, breathing salty air, and watching the tide roll in. I'm sure it will be too short.

Yaconelli on Passion

Passion is a roller coaster ride that can happen when you follow Jesus Christ. It is the breathtaking, thrill-filled, bone-rattling ride of a lifetime where every moment matters and all you can do is hang on for dear life...When there is no passion, we live our lives in the smoky fog of sameness. Life loses its distinctions and we no longer see the nuances, the tiny differences. We no longer feel our feelings. They become dull and insensitive. Life without passion is life without texture, contrast, and depth....Passion is always risky....People were estranged from their church and rejected by their parents; they became unemployed suddenly, ended up in jail, lost their lives, became personae no gratae...Passion is not something to be treated lightly. The passionate life is a risky life. The question is: Is the passionate life worth the risk?

Changing a Light Bulb the Christian Way

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic : Only 1 - Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal : 10 - One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians : None - Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic : None - Candles only.

Baptists : At least 15 - One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken .

Episcopalians: 3 - One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons : 5 - One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians : We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem orcompose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service,in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which areequally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists : Undetermined - Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb,
or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

Nazarene: 6 - One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None - Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish : - What's a light bulb?

My baby....

OK. I am gonna try one more time to post these. I give up on IE for now. Big pictures don't work there, medium pictures don't work there, and these probably won't work there either. Go get Mozilla people, then I won't drive you crazy with a broken blog....
Anyway, here are Carissa's senior pictures:









You can see 'em bigger if you click on them.