who moved my ebenezer?

What do you do if your ebenezer is a person? Yes, I know that you aren't supposed to trust in men. (tho I guess you really don't trust in an ebenezer anyway, rather use it as a visual symbol.) But this was different. This was a baby. A baby who symbolized many things: hope, the power of prayer, that God was still alive and working - not just in general, but in my world. It was my sign. GOD IS REAL. And every time I looked at her I remembered. Until she was no longer in front of me. Along with the struggle of losing community and losing friends I lost my ebenezer.

What is an ebenezer? Actually in Hebrew, the word ebenezer is two words - one meaning "help" and one meaning "stone". So the literal meaning of ebenezer is "Stone of Help". Samuel built an ebenezer on the occasion when the Israelites finally were victorious over the Philistines. Despite previous losses or failures in this same endeavor, they kept on and ultimately defeated the enemy.

Dr. Gregory S. Neal, Senior Pastor of St. Stephen United Methodist Church in Mesquite, Texas has this to say: " Literally speaking, an Ebenezer is a "stone of help," or a reminder of God’s Real, Holy Presence and Divine aid. Spiritually and theologically speaking, an Ebenezer can be nearly anything that reminds us of God’s presence and help: the Bible, the Sacramental Elements, a cross, a picture, a fellow believer, a hymn – those things which serve as reminders of God’s love, God’s Real Presence, and God’s assistance are "Ebenezers."

During a very rough time in my life, one of great doubting and great questioning, a tiny baby became my symbol of God's faithfulness. No matter how bad things got after that I could look at her face and see God and his presence. She became my reminder that He got me through it before, he will again. But she's no longer in a place where I can go to embrace my ebenezer, to touch the stones, to feel like I'm standing in the presence of God.

I have lost my ability to see the sun through the clouds, the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel kinda hopeless, and don't know how to recover. Before, when it got rough all I had to do was hold her, even just see her and I was reminded of the faithfulness of a loving God. He is there. He is at work, He answers pray. He cares.

And right now it seems like too much work to get to the place where I have a reason to build a new ebenezer.....

Looking for God: an unexpected journey through tattoos, tofu & pronouns

So, still feeling miserable after going home from work last night I curled up on the couch and watched a movie. (Enchanted....it was fun and brainless, what can I say?) After that I decided to read a book I'd been wanting to read, but had been to busy to begin. Last night was the perfect time.
The book, Looking for God: An Unexpected Journey Through Tattoos, Tofu & Pronouns by Nancy Ortberg was a perfect book to read. It moved fast, was easy to understand and articulated much of what I have been thinking for the past couple years. I found myself wanting to highlight vast portions - but it wasn't my book - I borrowed it from Julie. I am gonna buy my own copy though, because I liked it and would find it easy and comfortable to pass along to my friends. Ortberg's reflections are personal, insightful and thought provoking with out being judgmental and harsh. She, in fact is on the journey with us all, and is very open about her faults and mis-steps. Interesting chapters include: The Problem With Quiet Time (finally!), Could We Please Stop Talking Like This? (Amen!), Shoes (wow!) and my favorite considering where I've found myself over the past couple years: Longings, Aches, and Pains.
Here are some excerpts:

"I am applauded when I speak in terms of blessings and power. But people nervously shift and move to change the subject when I mention that things are sometimes difficult and that something might be wrong with me."

"..God is so often the most real to me when I go to those difficult places. Yet I want to avoid them, and quiet them, and pretend they are not real."

"But for most of my life, I have met God most deeply in the middle of the hard stuff. I didn't know much, but I knew that. So instead of burying it, I chose to face it and pay attention to it. I chose to wrestle with it and try to listen. And I chose to live with it and all the tension and sadness it produced."

"Two of the most powerful things that God offers us are His grace and His forgiveness. Yet when we insist on ignoring the difficult parts of life, we are effectively saying that we don't need those two things. So the power of God is lost in our lives. And we wonder why following Him has become predictable and dull."

"...your mistakes are not stronger than God's love for you. That realization builds a strong central core in your soul that is unshakable. If we face them, our longings, aches, and pains take us to an alone place. Perhaps that is why we avoid them. But if we refuse to avoid them, we find what is true about the alone place. That it isn't alone."

"We all have black holes in our souls that keep anything from filling us up for too long. They keep us in a constant state of neediness, always seeking reinforcement through pleasure and comfort and busyness. But if we allow ourselves to experience the longing, refusing easy answers for the aches and pains, we'll slowly build solid bedrock of God in our souls. Those alone places create a foundation that closes up the black hole for good."

"She encouraged him to face the issue, not ignore, avoid, or drown it out. She talked about being willing to wrestle with God, and to take the pain head-on rather than trying to numb it through destructive behaviors. To listen, to search, to struggle, and to wait."

"Henri Nouwen wrote that we have nothing to offer others if we don't know that we are loved by God. Of all the places we go to get love, our longings, aches, and pains are the most powerful and convincing. If we have the courage to go there and to live there in healthy ways, we will surely find that healing awaits us."

So, when I finished this wonderful book of essays, all I could say was - How did Nancy get inside my head???

I will leave you with this final thought from another chapter which pretty much sums up how I look at things these days....

"I am better equipped to live out a faith that is real when I have wrestled and read and thought and prayed about what I really believe. Who is God? How is He different than what I have thought? What is His true nature?"

I appreciate and highly recommend this book - find a copy and read it - you won't be sorry!

Are you daydreaming when you should be working?

There is a song with a very catchy tune getting a lot of airplay these days. On the surface I found myself humming along - until I really listened to the words. And then, well - I don't agree with the song. But a lot of people aren't going to think about what they are hearing/singing along with, and the song is just gonna keep on rolling. When I was looking for the lyrics so I could post them, I found this comment with a question:

An awesome song that’s been ministering to me lately is What Could Be Better, by 33 Miles. Am I the only one who’s noticed a lack of songs written about looking forward to Heaven?

I’ve heard it said today
Is all we’re given
Tomorrow may not come
So you better start living
I guess it all depends
On your point of view
Pardon me if I
Just don’t listen
To everything the world
Says I’m missing
There’s nothing here and now
I’m gonna hold on to

I’m living in the days ahead
I’m already dancing on the streets of gold
Can’t stop celebrating in my soul
I’m living in the days ahead
Nothing on earth could ever compare
Can’t wait for the day when I get there
When I see Jesus face to face
Tell me what could be better
Tell me what could be better

If home is where the heart
Is then I’m in Heaven
It’s the promise of tomorrow
That I’ve been given
Who is waiting there I am living for
He’s everything I love
And I believe in
And I can hardly wait
Just to see Him
And hear Him say well done
I couldn’t ask for more

I’m living in the days ahead
I’m already dancing on the streets of gold
Can’t stop celebrating in my soul
I’m living in the days ahead
Nothing on earth could ever compare
Can’t wait for the day when I get there
When I see Jesus face to face
Tell me what could be better
Tell me what could be better
Life is full of ups and downs
Inside outs, round and rounds
Can’t blame me for dreaming about it

I’m living in the days ahead
I’m already dancing on the streets of gold
Can’t stop celebrating in my soul
I’m living in the days ahead
Nothing on earth could ever compare
Can’t wait for the day when I get there
When I see Jesus face to face
Tell me what could be better
Tell me what could be better

People! Do you ever think about the message of the song(s) you are propagating???
Maybe you do, maybe the way I think is totally different than the way you think. Even if your philosophy of the end times is different than mine, still to subscribe to the words of this song is totally missing the point of being a Christian. I'm not saying we shouldn't be excited about the future, or that we shouldn't long to see Jesus. But we have to stop being, as the cliché says, "too heavenly minded to be any earthly good."

Why are you a believer? To save yourselves from hell, and get into heaven? Is your belief simply an insurance policy?? What are you living for? The future? As in, "This world is not my home, I'm just a passin' through"? Don't you think that being a Christian, a true follower of Christ is much deeper than that?? Way too many Christians go to church every Sunday to do their duty, or even just to be seen so others will not think badly of them, and then rarely think about God things the rest of the week.

He’s everything I love
And I believe in
And I can hardly wait
Just to see Him
And hear Him say well done
I couldn’t ask for more

But He can! If he is everything we love and believe in shouldn't we be living in His way, following his example, doing His work??
The point of our salvation is to join in the work of God as he reconciles the world to himself. We are blessed to be a blessing. We are to be about God's business. Loving, helping, fighting injustice.
If we spend all our time thinking and dreaming of the days ahead, what happens here and now? What about the fact that Jesus spent his time feeding the poor, healing the sick, eating with sinners, loving the children, challenging authority, teaching those who wanted to be like him?
What do we do? Sit in church and sing about heaven!
To hold to this future theology means to give up on the world. To give up on the people God so desperately loves. It means that we are selfishly saying," it's all going to just be destroyed anyway, why should I even consider working to make this world a better place?" It's defeatist, fatalistic thinking. Are we just resigned to the fact that there is nothing left in the world that is worth redeeming?
How does that help the hungry, or clothe someone who is cold?
If we are truly committed followers of Christ, if we are truly accepting him as Lord, and King, and Ruler - shouldn't we be following his plan? His way of living?
Instead of preaching we need to live our faith.
Instead of going to church, we need to be the church.
Instead of dreaming of heaven, instead of not being able to wait to get out of here, we need to work to make it a better place for all those God loves - and loves equally.
Instead of blame we need love.
Instead of finger pointing, we need teamwork.

In answer to the question of the above song's title "What Could be Better?" I leave the words of John Waller's song The Blessing:

The Blessing

Let it be said of us while we walked among the living
Let it be said of us by the ones we leave behind
Let it be said of us that we lived to be a blessing for life

And let it be said of us that we gave to reach the dying
Let it be said of us by the fruit we leave behind
Let it be said of us that our legacy is blessing for life

This day, You set life, You set death right before us
This day, every blessing and curse is a choice now
And we will choose to be a blessing for life

Let it be said of us that our hearts belong to Jesus
Let it be said of us that we spoke the words of life
Let is be said of us that our heritage is blessing for life

'Cause blessings and curses are choices
Will we build up, tear down? The moment of truth is now

For your kingdom, for our children
For the sake of every nation
For your kingdom, for our children
For the sake of every nation
We will choose to be a blessing for life

Come to me......

So, this is what I'm thinking about today. It's not perfect - I'm still struggling with it, working it out in my head, - there's a tension here that is hard to resolve ("I am awesome and mighty and you can't look at me, but look for me, call out to me and I will help you."?) but this is kinda where I am now:

Storms. I'm not a fan. Of course they are awesomely beautiful - but only if I know I am safe from the wind and the lightening. I don't like storms in my life either. I don't like conflict or great difficulty (no matter what type) swirling around me. When life storms hit I just want to crumple up and hide under the table. And it seems like the storms are more frequent these days - instability in my life leading to those troublesome storms reminiscent of the violent spring storms we find in nature.

I'm tired of the storms. My legs are numb from hunkering down to stay out of harms way. My mind is exhausted from trying to reassure myself that I'll weather this storm too and only be the better for it. My heart is stumbling along, stressed from fear and pain.

That said, yes, storms are beautiful. Humbling.

How have we gone from appreciating the awe of God's power, his majesty revealed, to hiding from the waves and locking ourselves up tight to be safe?

The two just don't seem to fit - at least not in my life right now. But, the other day, as I was listening to a sermon (which didn't really go THAT direction btw) it struck me.

God is in the storm. This is a teaching time. And he's there the whole time. I mean, look at the night Jesus walked on the water.... the disciples were in that boat in a hell of a storm, totally freaking and probably thinking they were going to die for sure. And as the storm raged they tried to see through the waves and the wind and the mist, looking for any glimpse of salvation. Trying desperately to see land. And what did they see? More wind. More rain. More lightening. And a faint hint of something just beyond the waves, moving on the water. Passing them by. And they were afraid.

God is revealing himself to them in this storm. Right in the middle, in the height of the storm when they are beginning to give up hope; right then they strain one last time to see salvation and see God. He is there. Right there. Not pushing himself on us, or begging us to notice him. He's there in the thunder, in the pounding of the waves, in the flash of the lightening - that is the evidence of his power. God is passing by. So awesome and frightening we need to turn our face away. It's now we need to remember to look for Him. To be still and listen. The compassionate savior wants more than anything to calm the seas, climb into our boat and be with us. How many times does he pass me by because I'm not looking? Or I've given up. Or I'm so terrified of the storm that I refuse to come out from under the covers? Or I'm mad at him, and I'm determined to fix it on my own?

The storm calls our attention to God. To his working. To his power. To what he wants us to know. He is fearsome and awe inspiring - even terrifying, and he wants something from me - something that I may not want to give. And just through the waves, just as like Peter I am starting to go under, I see the compassionate savior waiting to rescue me. And I need to call out to him, to invite him to help me through this storm. Calm the waves. Otherwise in great sadness he will pass me by. And the storm will continue to rage....

Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

Mighty to Save

Everyone needs compassion
Love that’s never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Saviour
The hope of nations


Saviour, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever, Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave


So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender
I surrender


Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing, for the glory of the risen king,
Jesus, Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen king