Why?

Why do I always ask why? (Oh the irony!) Why do questions and puzzles and words effect me so much? Why do I want all the answers? Why do I have a two year old mentality?

And why do I ask why knowing fully that I won't get answers....why do I become petulant in my questioning? I have a friend who is quite content and rarely even thinks to ask why. That is just so foreign to me. I'm always questioning. I always want to know. I want to learn. I want to understand. Why do people do what they do? Why am I who I am? Why do I, and others, respond the way we do? Why is God doing this or that?

Why's about unanswerable questions, but I still want to know. Why did the oil leak; why did a tsunami happen; why did a bridge collapse; why did Haiti get rocked to its core; why did Columbine happen; why did the towers fall?

Curious why's, demanding why's, wounded why's, childish why's, accusatory why's....

Why do we believe the way we do? Why were certain rules made and why did they become more import than anything else? Why can't we all get along? Why is social justice a bad word? Why do our differences matter more than our similarities? Why is it raining, why do I struggle with depression, why did certain things happen the way they did? Why did my church have to disband? Why do people I love move? Why do I have such a hard time trusting others? Why do I build walls? Why is it so hard for me to be authentic, to let people see the real me, to feel safe in a friendship? Why do I let thoughts and ideas get to me...why do they affect me so much? Why are some people content with the way things are, and I can't rest until I see change? Why can others see that God doesn't need a back seat driver? Why can others let go, trusting God to right things? Why do they not question His plans, His methods, His goodness? Why are they so Implicit in their trust? Why are they satisfied and why am I not? Why am I restless, seeking, challenging? Why do they rest in God while I wrestle with God? Why do they seem to have life figured out when I am still searching for answers? Why do I need answers?

Why, why, why?


And why, oh why am I even awake at 6 a.m. thinking about this?

What She Said....

I have a need
For solitude
I'll never be
Safe in crowded rooms
I like the sound
Of silence coming on
I come around
When everyone has gone

I have a need
For cool, verdant spaces
Beneath the trees
Secret empty places
Nobody knows
So no one will intrude
I have a need
For solitude

But you can find me, when the light is changing
At that time of day when there's
Little day remaining
You can find me where I've been waiting
Waiting here for you

I never was
The pretty girl in school
I never was
Fast, tough and cool
All I was
All my life it seems
Was hard to love
Harder now to keep

But you can find me, when the light is changing
At that time of day when there's
Little day remaining

I have a need
For solitude
I'll never be
Safe in crowded rooms
I like the sound
Of silence coming on
I come around when all the rest have gone...

Mary Chapin Carpenter